Why Am I Here?

This is the question I have been asking myself today. Why am I in Washington DC? Of all places to be ... Washington DC? It's got to be one of the most expensive cities in America. I mean really, though, why has the Lord chosen to bring me to this place? I don't have a job that is keeping me here. I am a nanny after all. I don't have a school building that I have to be at. My school is online so I can take it any where.  So I'm not here for a job or school...or an internship... or a relationship... or because I love politics (because really I hate politics...well not hate, but strongly dislike). I seriously, can't afford to be here. I was thinking about all the people I know (well, not ALL of them because that's A LOT of peeps!) but they all got to DC for a job, an internship, a relationship, school of some sorts. It would seem that it makes more logic to move back home and live with my parents while I am in school. Why am I here? How did I get to Washington D.C? Well, it goes way back to 2005 when I graduated from Pensacola Christian College. I was looking for ministry type jobs out on the east coast and came across Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Hey! I thought I could do that! So I applied for the internship and got in! YAY!! So I moved to Fairfax, VA in the summer of 05...didn't know a soul. I lived with a WONDERFUL family who I am still friends with for that summer. The internship ended at the end of the summer and I went back home to MI to figure out what I was supposed to do with school. I was working as a waitress at Chili's and at a daycare in the fall of 05 and decided to go to Liberty University as a residential student and do the whole college thing all over again. I got to LU in the spring of 06 and decided it wasn't really for me after all. I was torn with deciding a few things during that semester. I was either going to live off campus in an apartment or go home just for the summer and decide if I want to come back in the fall next year. As God's Lordship over my life goes, the family I lived with (the Coles) called me whilst I was in the middle of making this decision and had come to terms of just going home (I hadn't been home for a whole summer since I left for my first college in 02). I remember I was at Walmart with a friend and Karen called me wanting me to be their nanny for Aaron. I said yes and moved to Fairfax again in the summer of 06. I lived with them throughout the whole summer, and fall, and spring, and the summer of 07. It was in the fall of 06 that I decided to attend my church Capitol Hill Baptist Church 4 blocks from the capitol. My friend from camp knew my pastor from seminary and told me to check it out. I was skeptical because it was in DC and I lived in Fairfax and didn't want to drive into the city.  But I went one Wednesday night and LOVED it! I decided then and there that I was going to be a member and this was going to be my home church and I was going to live a block away from it. Seriously. Well, I moved out of the Coles in the fall of 07 and moved a block away from the church. I have been a member since the fall of 06. 

My roommates were so kind to remind me why I am here as I was singing to them my newly claimed Celibacy song (seriously, I have song! It goes to the tune of "I Have Decided to Follow Jesus") They reminded me why I am here which is to be sanctified and trust God with what lies ahead. Stephanie said that I was here to show Gracie (one of the girls I nanny for) salvation by grace through faith (I had a little discipline/Gospel lesson today...it was really so neat how the Lord was kind to allow me to show her sinfulness in disciplining but reminding her that Jesus Christ died for those sins). She reminded me that I am here to be living in the house with them. :O) Am I learning alot? Am I being sanctified? I feel like such a failure sometimes. I feel like anything I say doesn't make sense at all. 

So really, is this the reason I am living in Washington D.C? To be a member of this incredibly God-centered, Gospel-preaching church? Is that it? Not that it's insignificant, but could this be it? Don't get me wrong...I LOVE it here and LOVE my church and am so blessed to be here, but is it really to be sanctified? Since coming here, I have become more aware of my sin, but thankfully the cross has gotten a lot bigger. I have learned much about what it means to be a member of a church. I have learned the importance of Gospel-centeredness (yeah, i just made that word up). 

But what happens when this awkward phase of my life passes and I have to find a job after my bachelor's? Do I leave here? Do I go to seminary? Do I find a job around here? What about this desire to go to Africa all of the sudden? Should I pursue that when I'm done with school?

I feel like I'm in a rut right now. I have no real purpose for being here, other than being sanctified. I have flirted with the thought of moving back home. But I don't think I could handle that. 

I was actually asked this question tonight as I was walking back from studying at Starbucks. My neighbors...well, not MY neighbors, but the BullMoose's neighbors were outside and I was talking with them a little bit and they asked me why I was here. See, everyone who comes to DC has some sort of story of how and why they are here. I had to laugh when she asked me this since I had been asking myself the same question all day. I don't know why I'm here, really, but I know that I want to be in this church, is what I told her. I told her (by the way, she's not a christian) I wanted to move close to the church because it's so gospel-centered. 

Well, if I'm here to be sanctified through the teaching at this church then great! Bring it on! There is no place I'd rather be. As for a job, school, relationship...well, the rest is in the Lord's hands. He is the sovereign ruler over my life. I trust that he will show me all those steps when the time is right. I'm gonna enjoy the sanctification process in the meantime. 

:O)

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