Changes

Who really likes change? I do, but I've come to realize it's very stressful. The whole not being settled again is the stressful part for me. But I feel like the fall is always a start of new changes for me. Really, the new year should begin August 1 instead of January 1. I feel like there are a ton of new changes....don't get me wrong. They are all good changes. I welcome these changes. But I feel like specifically in my family, there are a ton of new changes. My sister finally moved out and is now residing in Lynchburg working for Liberty Christian Academy. My brother just moved out to Charelottsville (I can't spell it) and is going to a community college there for a bit till he can get accepted in to UVA. And my Dad called me today to tell me that GM is offering him a pretty great retirement package which he thought they were going to hold from him because they wanted to keep him on. Praise God they offered it to him! He can now retire from GM after working there for over 30 years!!! I was excited to hear that when he called. My parents are now going through empty nest syndrome, but really, they are probably enjoying it. All the kids are finally moved out and on their own and hopefully with no hopes of returning any time soon. Those are pretty big changes in my families life.

Are their changes in my life? Not really.  Well, I did switch rooms. I am working 3 new jobs (yes, seriously, THREE!) That's really about it in my life. I don't think any real big change will come till I'm done with school. (7 more classes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Still not really sure where I should go or what I should do when I'm done with my bachelor's. I talked to one of my Pastor's about going to South Africa and he doesn't have any reservations about it. The only thing that we are both concerned about is how would I raise the money. I've never been really good at that. Or maybe I'll go to seminary? Or maybe get my Master's somewhere around here? Or maybe, I'll just look for a Christian school teaching job. I taught my first day of preschool today and loved it! I can really see how you teach something to children they try to understand it and how it can be molded into their minds. I feel like if I get more experience doing it and can get more organized and have a better handle on classroom management then I could really do a great job at it and really enjoy it and feel fulfilled at the end of the day. I had a wonderful day today because I felt so accomplished. (plus, I had my devo's in the morning...which HELPED a TON!) So my change...it'll have to wait some more. The Lord knows my future. He has it all laid out and is sovereign over it. I just have to trust him and follow along. I can't wait to see what he has planned though. 

♥ 

Joy!!!

Romans 8:1

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 

So the Lord really showed me my purpose for being at camp this past week. I'll be honest, I was kind of discouraged about being there because I just felt like it was really different and I wasn't sure of if anyone really needed my help. My girls s

eemed to be really good and not in any real huge spiritual encouragement or wisdom that I could give them. I had four girls and they seemed to really know how to hold their own. But there were three very distinction reasons the Lord showed me of why I was there...and actually, now that I think about it there are four. 

The first one is for Mo

rgan. She was the girl I told you about in an earlier blog. She left Tuesday night. She was a very smart, bright, honest, observant girl. She was quiet and I could tell she wanted to talk to me and share with me things she was struggling with, but didn't know how to get it out. Monday night we had a one on one and she talked and explained how she doesn't know how to trust the Lord and doesn't understand why the Lord would let bad things happen. So I got to explain to her the sovereignty of God. I told her about Job and how he had all these bad things happen to him, but he still praised God for it. He understoo

d God's sovereignty. I told her that he lets things happen for our good and for his glory. She didn't understand how God could be selfish. Well, he has a right to be I told her. After that conversation, I asked her if there was anything else she wanted to talk to me about because I could just sense there was something she wasn't telling me but wanted to but didn't want to tell me. She decided she would write me a letter and I said that that would be fine. She asked me what my testimony was and half way through it, she asked me again about trials and my depression that I went through this spring. And then she proceeded to tell me what she was really thinking about. I was then able to explain the Gospel to her. I could tell she was thinking about things, but didn't say what she was thinking. 

Monday night comes and we are about to go into session and she tells me that she called her mom and she was coming to pick her up because she just wanted to go home and wasn't having fun. I was heartbroken. I didn't want her to leave. I cried when she left and asked the Lord to help me trust him in this situation. Being at camp would've been a great thing for Morgan, but God had a reason why she

 wanted to go home so I'm gonna trust him in that. Being in that situation solitified my desire even more to be a high s

chool counselor someday. 

The second significant thing that happen was gaining a really great friendship with another counselor named Hollie. We hiked the mountain together so it was just us for like an hour and a half going up. We were able to talk about anything...God, our kids, boys, school, work. It was great! We became good friends after that. I really enjoyed our open conversations and am grateful for the work the Lord had done in that. 

The third significant thing that happen was Amanda's salvation. She is the girl in the picture. 

Friday night is our worship finale. It is a very intense, emotional time. We sing for about 2 hours and there is a short message. The message was about serving each other and how Christ washed his disciples feet. So the counselor's washed our campers feet. It was a really sweet time. So there was really no Gospel message. It was just a go out and serve each other message. Well, half way through the worship time, o

ne of Hollie's girls leaves crying and goes down stairs. I didn't see any of this going on, but Hollie comes up to find and says that Amanda doesn't want to talk to her, she wants to talk to me. Amanda was one of my girls from last year. So I go down stairs and find Amanda crying and I sit next to her and she throws her arms around me and says that she can't forgive herself for something in the past. I

 don't know what to say at this point and so I ask the Lord to give me wisdom in this situation. My heart was breaking for this girl who is looking to me to say that everything will be ok and you can forgive yourself. Once I started talking, though, I knew it was definitely the Lord that was speaking through me. I had no idea what to say. But I tell her that ultimately, she needs to ask forgiveness from God because he is the one she has offended. I start to tell her about David in the Psalms and I ask her if she has ever read the Psalms and she said that she didn't even own a Bible. I told her the first thing we are doing on Saturday is getting her a Bible. So I explained to her how David was considered a man after God's own heart because of his repentful heart. She

 committed adultery with another man's wife and then had that man killed, but he was still considered a man after God's own heart because he understood he was a sinner. I then asked her if she understood that she was a sinner and she said she did. Romans 8:1 came to my mind which is the verse at the top and I asked her if she understood what that meant. She didn't so I explained that if she has repented of her sins and turned in faith and trust in Christ then she is no longer considered guilty. She is considered innocent in the sight of God. I asked her if she has ever prayed to ask for forgiveness of sins and she said she had never prayed in her life. She didn't and I asked her if she wanted to and she said she did. She told me she didn't know how so I said that it was like talking to me only you are talking to God and asking him to forgive you of your sins and asking for strength to live her new life with Him. Well...she did!!! I was sooooooooo excited!!!! I mean, I was on a spiritual high after that! I told

 her that I had been praying for her for a year. It was so amazing to be apart of that. After I gave her advice about what to do now that she is a Christian, we went up stairs to join in the last few songs. It was the first time we was able to worship her Savior! I had been watching her all week and she never sang and that night she did! She was free t

o sing to her Redeemer! 

The fourth significant thing was that it was just good for me to be there for my own spiritual health. It was so kind of the Lord to allow me to apart of Morgan's, Hollie's, and Amanda's lives. I truly don't deserve to be apart of that. But it was so kind of him to use someone like me for the sake of his kingdom. It was good for me to be there to see the kids that are spiritually deprived and they don't know it and to have more of a burden for them. A friend of mine at church pointed out to me while I was telling her my story that theses kids are at a Christian camp and they know it's a Christian camp, but they didn't bring their Bibles, but they still wanted to come back. That is definitely a working of the Lord. And also not to take for granted that people know the Bible or have even read the Bible. Amanda didn't. It was good for me to be dependent on the Lord for wisdom throughout the week and to watch and pray expectantly and to worship the Lord without distractions. I was reminded through the songs of my savior's love for me. I am spiritually and emotionally drained, but

 I love it! I love being this tried and drained for the purpose of enhancing the kingdom of God. 

I'm really glad I went. It was a great week and God did amazing things. Praise the Lord for the kindness of God that leads to repentness! Praise the Lord that it is truly He who does the work! 

(the pic below to the left is of me and my girl Breezy. She was my camper for three years. I had her sister thi

s year)

this pic is of Hollie and I on the last day. Yeah, we be tired. 

EXTREME Elmo

So my friend Bethany has this Elmo and she pretty much made my day at lunch time.
Watch! I promise it will definitely make your day too!

♥

Cereal Trick

We were all just hanging out in the dining room last night after coffee house and pretty hungry for some cereal so Anna was showing us the cereal trick. It got pretty funny.

Epic...Cont...

This picture is of me and one of my girls that I have had for the past 3 years. She is now a counselor herself....man, I feel old! I absolutely am in love with her! She's a godly woman and LOVES her own girls. Today is Thursday and we are getting ready to wind down after a busy week. A lot has been going on with the campers and counselor's and many of us are emotionally drained and physically drained.  

Last night, Dwight, the speaker gave an invitation (I have to admit, I haven't been in a church in such a long time where they gave an invitation so it felt kind of weird), but he gave a Gospel message invitation and A LOT of the kids went forward. We talked about it this morning in our counselor meeting and some of the decisions seem to be real and from the heart, but others seem to be because their friends were getting up and going. Only the Lord knows their hearts though. 

I think it was really good for me to come here this week. I, myself, have been needing some spiritual refreshment. I love my city and love my friends and am actually a missing it right now, but it's so good to get away for a little and put my focus back on the Lord. I can't tell you how encouraging it has been to worship the Lord. I have also noticed my sinful selfishness though in catching myself of not wanting to pour into my campers but instead hanging out with my friends. 

Pray for me tonight as I do cabin devo's. Pray that the Lord would grant me wisdom and discernment on how to lead the discussion and pray that the girls would be open and willing to talk and share. 

♥ 

Mountain Hike Day (Epic)

Today was the mountain hike. I was thinking of all my friends in DC today and wishing they were hiking the mountain with me. I absolutely LOVE this mountain. It's gorgeous! There are 4 different hikes that go up the mountain. One is the leisurely where they only go to the Spring and stay there for 3 hours. The next is diligent where they diligently take their time getting up the mountain. The third one is Adventurous where they speedily get up the mountain without taking breaks. Lastly, the is the extreme hike where they take a lot longer going up the mountain but over a more beautiful scenery. I chose the Adventurous. It was so great to hike that mountain again! My friend Holly and I hiked up together. It was a good time and I believe the Lord wanted that to happen so we could become better friends. As you can see from the picture, the top of the mountain is just beautiful. They say on a clear day, you can see Boston, but I haven't been able to see it yet. 

These are some of the kids at the top. 

 Me ... almost at the top!

Trusting the Lord (Epic)

It rained agian today. It rained on and off. Yuck! I hate it when it rains at camp. 

It's such a downer. But thankfully, we didn't have rain for our activities. Our sports activities played Ultimate Frisbee and Basketball and my team won in both games. Woopie!!!

I'm learning to lean on the Lord for the Gospel to be clear from the speaker and for my words about the Gospel to be clear to my campers. I started out with 5 girls, sadly, I will be ending with 4. One of my girls went home tonight. I was so upset about it. I didn't want her to go home at all. 

She was such a smart girl; very observant. She was always watching me and was completely honest about things. I wanted to get inside her head so badly. She had expressed somethings to me that I will not share on here, but it broke my heart and I wanted to help her, but didn't know how. I only know that Christ can help her and I can tell her till I'm blue in the face, but it's the Holy Spirit that has to work on her heart. Well, she went home tonight and it broke my heart. I don't understand why she did, but I'm trusting the Lord that this is good and he is sovereign over it. Watching her leave and experience the helplessness and the depravity of a teenagers life without Christ made me want to pursue my calling of a high school counselor even more. I want this girl to know CHrist!!! I want her to know the hope she can have in him! I want her to be secure for heaven! I do not want Satan to win this battle!!! 

Anyway, gotta jet.

♥ 

Pea Soup Week

So today at lunch, the cutest one of my girls (the one who is a MK from Haiti) is definitely a facts person. She LOVES facts and surprisingly knows a ton of them. Well, we were talking about facts at lunch and she tell us that the last week of December is National Pea Soup Week. BAAhahaha...

that made my day.

:O)

Epic

  The theme of this year's camp is Epic, doing big things for God. The picture to the left is my girls. I have the youngest girls this year which is kind of refreshing because there is no boy drama! YES!! They are all 13-14 years old. I was supposed to have 6 girls, but I found out that one of them passed away suddenly the day before camp. Please pray for her family. 

The girls names are (starting at me and going left) Lydia, (I had her older sister for 3 years), Molly, Shannon (She is a missionary kid from Haiti), Rachel, and Morgan. All sweet girls. I'm blessed to have them in my group this year. 

Pray for Morgan, I had a conversation with her yesterday about how she has trust issues and doesn't want to trust the Lord. She wants to be a Christian, but doesn't understand why God puts trials in our lives. I was able to explain to her the sovereignty of God and talk about Job (Thanks to my pastor Mark for doing the Job series!) and how God allowed all these trials to come into Job's life, but he still praised the Lord and never doubted his sovereignty. I explained to her the God is our Father and like our earthly Father, he disciplines us for our good and for his glory. She came back to me and said that God was being selfish and I told her he has the right to be selfish. So praise God for allowing the Gospel conversation to start. I challenged her to read the book of Job and Psalms. Hopefully, I will have more conversations with all my girls one on one. 

Keep praying that the Gospel is clear in the messages as I am not really sure it has been for the campers. 

I'm excited about this week! I'm stoked to get to know my girls more and watch the Lord challenge them in their walk. 

♥ 

Free Hugs

On Saturday morning, I have a usual routine. I love the city in the summer because Eastern Market is freaking AWESOME! So my routine is walking to the bank to deposit my checks stopping by starbucks for some yummy coffeeness and then head to the market to spend my allowance of 20$. I met my friends Hayley and Jenn for breakfast, which I have discovered is a kind of club you have to get into. The owner knows you and apparently you have to order what he suggests to you and then you will get in the club. But anyway, after breakfast, I wandered around to spend my $20 and there were some ladies there giving out free hugs. Apparently they saw someone giving FREE HUGS on YouTube and decided to do it at Eastern Market.

Yeah, so I got a free hug on Saturday. 

:O)

Update on South Africa

So I had a phone conversation with a guy who works with African Enterprise Leadership Training Centre (Phew! That's a LONG name)  on Saturday morning and it seemed to be a really great fit with us. He was describing all the possible ministries I could be involved in and one that really sparked my interest was discipling in the University of Zulu. I would have opportunities to counsel and disciple women there who are going through many different situations. Paul said that if I were to go alone I would probably live with his family or another family from Church on the Ridge. Or if I were to go with someone else, they would set me up in an apartment next to the University. We also discussed my financial situation and how I will have to raise support and he asked me about my student loans. He suggested that it might be a good idea to enroll in the University there to one, defer my loans, and two for my masters, and three for ministry to get in the school and really get to know the students. I'm excited about this possible opportunity, but kinda scared. The internship is a year long. 

I'm going to be talking with one of my Pastor's about this to see if he has any wisdom or advice about this. 

I'm excited to search this opportunity out some more to see if the Lord is really leading me in that direction. 

Desired to Pursue.

So I went to ONE at Covenant Life Church on Friday (which I will be posting about soon) and it was just so great to be there and worship the Lord and here a really great message about our sin and God's standard. But I was encouraged by what a dude got up to say. In between some of the songs, he came up to do a prophecy (now, if you don't know what this means, it is simply an exhortation or encouragement or testimony. Something they believe the Holy Spirit placed on their heart to say to encourage someone. Sometimes, I believe I have this gift) But he read from Revelation 21 and the last thing he said really spoke to me and encouraged me. He said that my King desired to pursue me. Wow. Really, me? He DESIRED/WANTED to pursue me. I don't know why, but I am ever so grateful he chose to love me! I didn't catch what verse exactly it was that he said so I asked my friend Hayley and she said he was reading from Revelation 21. So I decided to read over that on the plane today. I took great comfort from the following verses and I'll show you which ones I was convicted in and then took hope in after that. (not really sure if that sentence made sense)

Revelation 21:2-5

And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, 

prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying,

"Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man,

He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, 

and God himself will be with them as their God.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes,

and death shall be no more,

neither shall their be mourning, nor crying, nor pain

any more, for the former things have passed away.

... "Behold, I am making all things new."

My convicting verses:

Revelation 21:8 

But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers,

the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters,

and all liars, their portion will be in the lake

that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.

Gosh, I was really convicted when I read that verse. I said, "Hey, wait...well, I lie. I'm an idolator, I'm often faithless, I'm a coward...I deserve this death." I felt this wait of sin on my shoulders and knew I needed to repent. Praise God that he has already covered all my sins past, present, and future. 

Then I took great hope in this verse: 

Revelation 21:27

But nothing unclean will ever enter it, nor anyone who does what is detestable or false, but only those who are written in the Lamb's book of life.

I am declared righteous before a Holy God! Woo Hoo!! I'm clean and my name is written in the Lamb's book of life! This is me taking joy in my salvation and the fact the the King desired to pursue me. 

♥ 

Camp.

Yay!! I'm here...again. I arrived at Monadnock Bible Conference tonight and it always feel so sereal to me. I can't believe this is my 6th year working as a counselor. I am so blessed to be apart of this family and to know the staff and the kids that keep coming back. This camp has become my second home and I fell in love with it 6 years ago. 

How did I find out about this camp that is in the middle of nowhere you may ask? Well, I dated a guy from New Hampshire and he worked the year before me as a teen counselor. We started dating in 2003 and he came on the core staff for the whole summer and I got to be a part of the teen weeks experience for two weeks and FELL IN LOVE! I mean, I fell head over heals in love with this place. I fell in love with the girls I counseled. I fell in love with the staff. I fell in love with the country and the mountain. I fell in love with the culture up here. I fell in love with the Lord all over again by watching him work in the lives of teenagers. I fell in love with the cross. The summer of 04 I came on core staff and worked for the entire summer. That was probably the best summer I have ever had. Steve and I were still dating at that time so we would go home on the weekends to his parents house. Steve and I broke up in the fall of 04 and I decided I would still go back to camp because I loved it so much. I came back in the summer of 05 and then just kept coming back every year. I have seen the girls I first started with my very first week here grow up and graduate from high school and are now sophomore's in college. I have watched their relationships with the Lord blossom over the years. 

I am excited about this year. I think it will definitely be my last year here. Of course, I always say that, but really I don't know where I'm gonna be next year. It just so happened that the families I nanny for are on vacation this week so the timing worked out perfectly. I feel like this is my missions trip. I'm excited to really pour into the lives of the girls I will have for the week. I'm STOKED about sharing the good news of the Gospel with them. I OOBER excited to what the Lord will do in their hearts. Whilst I was flying here (in the plane, not with my arms) I was looking in the back of my bible and I noticed that my little ESV bible that I got at T4G has a little salvation plan in the back and I was reading over the assurance of salvation part and the verse John 6:37 was there so I looked it up to see what it said and here is what it said:

All that the Father gives me will come to me,

and whoever comes to me I will never cast out. 

While I was reading that verse, I had a huge burden for my girls this week. I don't know who I will have. I will probably have a lot of new girls I haven't met before. But I want them to know Christ! I want them to know the Gospel! I want them to know their sin and the standard of God's Holiness. I want them to know they are loved and pursued by a Holy King! 

I'm excited about this week. Be praying for me and that the Lord would grant me wisdom and discernment in Gospel conversation and counseling. Pray the Gospel is clearly presented in the messages and that the decisions the kids make aren't motivated by emotions as they give invitations here. Pray that my girls get along and we are able to open up to each other and have fun! 

I'll be keeping my blog updated! 

♥ 

The Marks of A True Christian

Romans 12:9-13

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer

Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

♥ 

DC at Night

Can I just say that I love my city! I really do! I especially love it at night. The monuments all light up and it's so pretty. Tonight I went running after Bible study (yes, at dark in DC. I'll admit, at times I didn't really feel safe especially when I got to the part that didn't have any lights. I took my Ipod out at that time so I could hear if someone was coming up behind me) and I ran down to the Lincoln and back (total of 6 miles...I got new running shoes today and LOVE them!). Whenever I get to Lincoln I have to stop and look back. It's so beautiful! You've got the reflection pool and then the Washington Monument reflecting into the pool (hence the name of the reflection pool). Last year on Labor Day, we took a group to do some midnight walking around the monuments because we didn't have to work the next day so why not? It was super fun and so pretty! The best one had to be the Jefferson. 

So really, if you are ever in DC...and most of you who read this live here...GO take a walk at night around the monuments. You'll love it!

♥ 

Tonight was WAY fun!

Tonight was the last night for Intern Bible study for the summer. We start again in September. But it was so much fun and I do have to say this class was a blast and a blessing to have around. They came in the beginning so hungry for the Word and threw themselves in to the discussions and came out with so much wisdom. They were each a unique individual with such different backgrounds. It was so great how they all came together at the end and really bonded. They were faithful to come most every week and you could definitely tell there was a difference with their hunger and desire for the Word and Truth from the beginning. 

It was a blast tonight though! We played games and had so much fun. I don't think I could remember a time when I had that much fun playing games. It has been truly a blessing to be apart of this Bible study. Which makes my decision of which one to choose even harder. 

♥ 

Oh Priorities

This fall I am taking a lot of classes... ok it's only 4, but they are getting harder and I don't want to cheat myself out of studying and gaining knowledge by taking short cuts. So I'm dedicating myself to getting school done in a timely manner. But this means, that I need to say goodbye to one of the ministries I'm involved in. I was told that I have to do this by one of the mom's I babysit for. This is good. I need someone in my life challenging me like that. She also told me that I have to stop volunteering to serve at things. Ah! I don't want to. So I'm praying about which ministry to end. 

Right now I am involved on Tuesday nights at the Intern Bible study for college students who come to the Hill for an internship while they are in school. I am also involved in the youth group that meets every other Friday and some Saturdays we will do outings. I thought I was going to drop the Intern Bible Study and stay in the youth group since that was the first ministry I was involved. Plus, there are a lot changes being made and I wanted to stick around to see how the Lord is use them. With the intern bible study, I have been able to have more relationships with the girls that come and I am also seeing a lot of fruit from it. I was set on quitting the Bible study, but then on Friday after youth group. Our leader encouraged us that it would serve the youth well not to have 4 girl leaders there (we have a really really really small youth group). I walked out that night kind of confused with where the Lord might be leading me. I prayed about it all day on Saturday and am still unsure of what to do. 

And tonight, I got a call from one of the leaders at the IBS about a new girl coming to the Hill to meet up with her to do some discipling. So I'm stuck. I don't know which one to say No to. I don't want to say no to either, but I feel like I should if I really want to focus on school.

Decisions. Ah nuts. 

♥ 

South Africa?

South Africa? 

Hmm...maybe...possibly? Really? Could I really go? 

I emailed Paul (the guy who I met at Together for the Gospel  who also knows my pastor) and he emailed me back today and said that they were actually in the process of praying about the upcoming interns they want to hire. They are looking for 2 females and 1 male to work in a University with students. I would LOVE to do that! I mean, that would be so wonderful. I'm not sure how long I would go for...maybe only a few months, 6 at the most, but what an opportunity to go to South Africa and tell people about Jesus! I think it'll be good for me to get out of the materielistic world we live in and into a world where they are so thankful for the Word being preached and the constant overflow of joy that comes from hearing it. I remember when I went to Haiti in 04 and the church services "started" at 6, but we got there 2 hours later and they were STILL singing and then another 2 hours later we finally got to the message. This is the website for the mission board I would work with African Enterprise Leadership Training. 

Who knows? It's something that I'm willing to look into to see if the Lord is really leading me there for a time. 

So what would be stopping me? Why not go now? I don't have a job that is keeping me here. I am finishing school soon (3 more classes in the winter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  <----the number of exclamation marks indicates how excited I am to be DONE with school! I'd use more, the time and patience permits me), and I am single and have no attachments (well besides my friends who I LOVE to pieces....really, guys, I do love you.) So what would stop me if I was really called there and the door opened wide and everything worked out great for me to go? My fear. What would I be scared of though? Well, the first day. The first day of anything new is always the worst. It's the day you are meeting new people, settling into a new place, getting to know a new area. But after the first day, it starts to settle in and you become acquainted with the culture, and you already know the people (because hopefully, you've met them on the first day). I remember I was OOBER scared to go to Haiti. It was my first missions trip and all I've heard about Haiti was that it was completely unsafe and there were wars and their religion was Voodoo. But when the camp staff were going through our orientation the lady who is in charge of the Haiti missions encouraged me through a challenge which I will never forget. She said, "Don't let fear stop you." So I took that to heart, and I went and fell in love. I loved it all. I loved the kids in the orphanage. I loved the country side .... OH MY goodness it was beautiful! I loved even the city though it was piled high with trash. The kids had nothing. The people ate mud. If I can do Haiti, I can do South Africa. 

Though to be honest (oh crap...I'm about to get real vulnerable right now...brace yourself...and here it goes) I'm struggling with my desire to be married and have a family. So I have two desire that are quite big in my mind and heart right now. One, I want to go to South Africa to work on a short term missions team in this University. Two, I want to fulfill my womanly role and have a family and support a hubby and rear (HA! I used the word rear) children. I had a great experience the other day when I was babysitting with discipline and doing it in a gracious way and being able to speak the Gospel to them. (Man, God was kind to allow me to do that and practice it...I was blown away and was excited about it). But I walked away from that and though, yeah, I could do that with my kids! I want to share with them the Gospel and I want to show my own (unborn/future) children of Christ's love.  So I'm scared that if I go to South Africa I will miss out on something else that I am desiring. But I am constantly reminded that GOD IS BIGGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   (<----again with the exclamation points) He is bigger than my small plans. He is bigger than anything I can ever dream of. He's just huge, ok? Just deal with it. :O)  Ephesians 3:20 says so, 

Now to him who is able to do far 

more abundantly than all 

that we ask or think,

according to the power at work within us. 

So my thoughts are, God is obviously not providing for desire number two. He has provided for desire number one; I am available. 

So anyway, these are all my thoughts on South Africa. Who knows if it's going to happen. I'm simply processing my thoughts and praying about it and willing to go if the Lord opens the door. 

♥ 

I Hate the Devil

Darn him! Darn him! Darn him! 

I hate the lies he has fed me today. I feel so weak and burdened with them today.

Darn that sucker! 

I need to get in the Word and use "armor" the Lord has given me. I need my shield of faith and my belt that is buckled with Truth. 

Ephesians 6:10-17

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers against the authorities against the cosmic powers over the present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 

Therefor take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all to stand firm. 

Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness

as as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the Gospel of peace. 

In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one,

and take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God.

♥ 

Joy in the Morning.

I'm listening to a Nicole Nordeman song called "Everyday" (Well, not really sure if that's the title, but that's the title I'm gonna give it). In it, she talks about how the Lord's mercies are new every morning. 

I need to remember this. 

The Lord was kind to give me the verse Psalm 143:8 Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

Sovereign Grace (click on the link and it'll take you to the song I'm about to tell you about) 

has a song called Joy in the Morning and it seems to be the song that is in my head when I wake up. It's just a great reminder that it's a new day and things might have changed the night before and they still might change during your day, but the reason for your day is because of Christ so he is the reason for your joy. It's a great way to remember about your dependence on him when you wake up. Jesus Christ! He's the reason we have life! He's the reason that I am forgiven and declared innocent before a Holy God. That's a good reason to have joy in the morning. 

♥