Joy in Philippians

One of our pastor's, Michael, is doing a series in Philippians over the subject of Joy. I'm really stoked about this series. I think that joy is a thing that we all need to hear about especially in times like these. I know a ton of people who are hurting for many reasons right now and it's just good to be reminded that we have an eternal joy that will last till the day of our completion. 

This morning's sermon was called, "Joy and Suffering". He spoke on verses 12-30.  Michael talked mostly about our perspective when suffering comes. Do we have joy through our suffering? Or are we down in the dumps? Where can we find the perspective we need? Michael used Paul in Philippians as our example with joy through suffering. He talked about how Paul was in prison, yet he was still joyful for many different reasons. Last week, he talked about how Paul was joyful because of the Gospel and he was encouraged by the Philippian church because they were also "partakers of grace" like he was. 

Today his points were mostly about Paul's perspective on his own suffering. He said that Paul had perspective on present circumstances. Here Paul is sitting in prison and he is just over-joyed. He gets to share the Gospel with the guards. Paul was joyful in his present circumstance, because he knew that the Gospel would be preached and it would be a good opportunity for him to be used there. Michael challenged us with the question of what are our circumstances that God has placed us in? Are there challenging things in relationships maybe with family, roommates, spouses? Or lack of family, roommates, or spouses? It's hard to be in a place where you aren't sure why God has brought you there, but when you gain a perspective like Paul did, you can see the bigger picture of God being at work, both in your own heart and the heart's of others through your testimony. "Godliness with contentment is great gain" as Paul reminds us in another epistle. Michael also asked us if there were any places that wouldn't hear the Gospel unless we take it there. I would love to go somewhere to help the Gospel grow someday (though, I'm not keen on the idea of doing it alone) I thought of Rhode Island and how there is a family from our church planting a church there now and then out in maybe Central Asia or even Africa somewhere. Or I may not even have to go out of the country (though, i wouldn't mind that), but there are lots of teenagers that don't know who Christ is in our own country. It's sad to think about. Michael reminded us that God might want to send us out, not for our own comfort, but for our joy. Truly, it is a joy to serve the Lord for the sake of the Gospel. Earthly loves and desire could not compare. I was also convicted of my love for material things rather than being satisfied in Christ alone. I went shoppping with my friend Leslie today and we were talking about what we would wear to some place and I was convicting when I was talking and just thought about how much I think about what I will wear rather than putting my thoughts on the Lord. I told her I need to stop thinking about that so much and then talked about the sermon and how Paul didn't have a love for the world, but rather, his joy was in Christ and proclaiming the Gospel to others. 

When our perspective becomes about the self- it becomes demonic and not God-glorifying. 

Life is all about the Creator, not the creation. 

The next point was, "Paul's perspective on the future." I couldn't help but think of John Piper's book, "Faith in Future Grace." Piper talks about how we can have faith in the future because of the past God has brought us through. God has brought us this far and was faithful the whole way, so why wouldn't he be faithful in the future. I recommend that book to everyone...though it's really long, but a really good read. 

Paul didn't know what was going to happen to him in prison, but he didn't care because he saw it as a win-win situation as he talked about how he longed to be with Christ, but it was better for other that he stayed on earth so he could share the Gospel. Michael said that the world will look at us and see that "to live is Christ." would be foolish. It wouldn't make sense to them; and to die is gain. To them, death would be a loss, but to a Christian, death is a gain, for you get to see your Savior in an instant. 

So the question, "what does it look like for you "to live is Christ"? Denying your own interests confident that this is to glorify God. Hard to swallow sometimes. Especially when it's something that you deeply long for...marriage, kids, a better job. It's hard. Just these past few weeks, I've been realizing that God might have me single for the rest of my life. Not what I want, but if that's what the Lord has for me, then I need to be satisfied in it because it will glorify God. If he thinks that me being married would best glorify him, then he will provide. But if I best glorify him single, then Praise be to God (trust me, that's hard to say.)

The last point was Pauls' perspective on the Philippians. He challenged them to live worthy of a manner of the Gospel.  Live a life that demonstrates the surpassing value of Christ. How do we do this? Standing firm in the faith and don't be terrified of those who oppose us even in suffering. The last thing that was said was "Live in light of the Gospel because you don't deserve it, but it's been given to you". 

It was really such a great sermon and really challenging to me to only want and long for Jesus in things that I face. When we set our eyes on high, we will have the right God-honoring perspective we need. 

♥ 

Math...DONE!!!

To the left you will see my "I-passed-math-and-my-semester-cowgirl-boots!!" 

I am D  O  N  E with my semester! It was been a long and grueling semester and I'm so glad that it's over. I don't have to think about writing papers or taking tests or quizzes for a while and I'm SUPER happy about this. 

Next semester I have 4 more classes. Though, I will be at Liberty for a week getting done with a class called Personal Health and then after that, only 3 more classes!!! 

I'm really excited to be almost done with school.  This has been an incredibly long process and I've gotten really tired from it all. But God was faithful and He has pulled me through. He has been kind and gracious to me as I have been studying. 

Praise God for his faithfulness!!

♥ 

Beloved

Beloved. What a great name to be called. Especially by our Saviour, the One who truly loves us and calls us His own. Oh how I do not deserve such a love from a good and gracious King. My heart is wicked and full of deceit. I turn to others to find love in. I run to other gods. I find a sense of belonging in myself and my worldly identity. "Beloved" is used to mean an intimate relationship, to long for, to prefer, esteemed, favour, worthy of love. Wait. Let's backspace for just a minute...Worth of Love? Are you sure? Me? Come on. What did I do to deserve to be worthy of Love? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. If anything, I don't deserved to be loved in such a way like this, but because of His grace, I am.
This verse has recently become a favorite of mine. 1 Thessalonians 1:4 Knowing this, Brethern, Beloved by God, He chose you.

This verse seems kind of redundant as Paul calls us "Brethren", "Beloved", "He chose you." They essentially mean the same thing. But I don't mind being reminded over and over that I am chosen to be loved by God. I don't deserve it, but am so thankful for it!

I have recently fallen in love with a new Christian band called, Tenth Avenue North, thanks to my good friend Jason (Moosh). Ya'll should really check out their website and buy their CD it's great!
Anyway, they have a song called "Beloved" on their album and I was listening to it this morning and was just so humbled by how I continually run after other gods or other lovers, but faithfully, the Lover of my soul is still pursuing me. What a good God we serve!
Here are the lyrics to the song.

Beloved

Love of my life

Look deep in my eyes

There you will find what you need

Give me your life

Lust and the lies

The past you're afraid I might see

You've been running away from me

You're my beloved

Lover I'm yours

Death shall not part us

It's you I died for

For better or worse

Forever we'll be

Our Love it unites us

It binds you to me

It's a mystery

Love of my life

Look deep in my eyes

There you will find what you need

I'm the giver of life

I'll clothe you in white

My immaculate bride you will be

Oh come running home to me!

You're my beloved

Lover I'm yours

Death shall not part us

It's you I died for

For better or worse

Forever we'll be

Our Love it unites us

It binds you to me

Well you've been a mistress, my wife

Chasing lovers it won't satisfy

Won't you let me make you my bride

You will drink of my lips

And you'll taste new life

Cause you're my beloved

Lover I'm yours

Death shall not part us

It's you I died for

For better or worse

Forever we'll be

Our Love it unites us

and it binds you to me

♥

Acts 17:30

Ok, last post. It's 1 am and I'm real tired, but I wanted to write this down before I forget tomorrow morning. 

Sunday I was in the Senior men's core seminar (Sunday school). Yes, I know, I'm not a senior man. I don't care. I really enjoy that core seminar. It's more of an inductive Bible study with a smaller group. I really get a lot out of it whenever I go. 

Last Sunday, we were talking about the church of Thessalonica. Before he got into the devotional, he gave the context of the beginning of the church which is found in Acts. As he was reading, my eyes were wandering around the page (I was paying attention, I was just reading ahead) and I read over Acts 17:30. I wrote it on my hand so I wouldn't forget to go back to it later on.

Here is what it says: The times of ignorance God overlooked but now he commands all people everywhere to repent. 

Huh. I thought the beginning of the verse was kinda different. The times of ignorance God overlooked. Well, what ARE the times of ignorance, and why did God over look them?

I decided to do a little research. 

Ignorance is considered foolishness. Christians are often foolish in the worlds eyes. Or maybe perhaps this ignorance is a sin. A sin of the rejection of the Gospel. A sin of idolatry. Isarealites are a good example of ignorance as they didn't want to listen to the promises God had made with them. Ignorance is also a stupidity. They were dumb to the fact that Jesus Christ was the Messiah...or they didn't want to listen. 

God overlooked- Well, what does THIS mean? Does it mean that God just turned the other cheek when they were sinning? Of course not. That wouldn't be in agreement with his character. Does it mean that those who have not heard of the Good news he will overlook them because they are ignorant of it? No, because that's not what Romans 1 tells us that they are without excuse. Matthew Henry tells us that God did not give them an earnest call to repent. He let them alone. It seems like God is giving up on them here, doesn't it? Well, no, actually, he's not. He is actually patient with them. He was long-suffering with them which is in perfect harmony with his sovereign grace character. 

Though we have many idols and are sinner, God still has patience with us. This verse tells us of yet another example of how gracious and patient God is with us though we are ignorant lost sheep wandering around for a shephard. 

I think this compliments the verse, "He is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance." That is why there is such an earnest plea in the last part of the verse that call us to repentance.

I hope you see the loving, gentle, patience God has with us. He is free and is right to cause judgement on us all right now, but because he loves us he is holding back and overlooking with patience so that we may hear and Good news and repent and believe in it.

♥ 

When were you "Saved"?

The Lord has been gracious to me in sending me to a church that teaches solid theology. Lately, I've been discovering, with the help of the Holy Spirit of course, that I was taught wrong growing up. 

I have always been told that I needed to remember the day and the moment and the words I said when I got saved. I also needed to go down the aisle at the invitation. That showed that I was truly saved.  I was told it was crucial so that I won't doubt my salvation. Hmm. Well, that's not necessarily the case and not really biblical either. Well, God doesn't call us to walk down an aisle to be necessary for salvation. He does tell us that we need to confess with our mouth and believe in our hearts that. But that doesn't mean that we have to remember the day or the hour or the words we said. 

Coming to this church and hearing testimony after testimony when people are baptized or during a members meeting for a new member or just in conversation with peeps, they most of them do not remember a day or time or words...or even the aisle...of their salvation. They just remembered that a light came on one day and realized that they were a sinner in need of forgiveness and knew that that forgiveness would come through Jesus Christ's atoning blood on the cross in their place. I always got kind of uncomfortable when people asked me how old I was when I was saved. I know I needed to be saved at the age of 6. I also knew that Jesus was the way of salvation. But didn't understand why I need to be saved till years later. Since coming to my church, I think the Lord has been gracious to reveal to me the real reason for salvation. Which is the fact, that I am a sinner in rebellion against God. Gosh, I have struggled with doubts of my salvation all during my teen years. But people kept pointing me back to the fact that I said a prayer once. That wasn't good enough for me because I still struggled with it. Well, I think you know a Christian is truly converted when you see it in their lives. You can literally see the Joy they have. It no longer becomes a head thing, but has reached the heart and they live it out. "Faith without works is dead." 

This also makes the concept of the "P" in TULIP become more clear. (If you don't know what TULIP stands for...it's a Calvanists things...Google it.) "P" stands for Perseverance of the saints. The perseverance is their faithfulness with the Lord and how they persevere even until the end of their life. They don't back away from it. The Bible also reminds us that we will know them by their works (fruits of the spirit). We will see evidence of Grace in their lives. This grace is the kind that is not accomplished on human will or understanding, but rather on God's. 

Also, what are we saved from? I was also taught completely wrong in that too. I was taught that we are saved from our sins...well, no not really. We are saved from God's wrath BECAUSE of our sin. 

Hm. Praise God for the teaching of good theology!

♥

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the Everlasting God!

Tonight was a pleasant night as my really good friend Mike Cassidy came into town on business and met up for dinner tonight. I have known Mike for 6 years now as I have worked with him at camp in New Hampshire for the past six years. Mike comes to DC frequently for business trips which is a treat because we get to hang out and catch up. 

(Thanks Mike for coming again!!! I look forward to the Nutcracker next month!!)

We went to Coastal Flatts in Tyson's Corner tonight. We had an enjoyable conversation. It's always enjoyable when you talk about the Lord. We were on the topic of evangelism and we each had two different stories that ended in the same conclusion...heart broken for the lost and dieing world. 

My story goes as follows: 

I went shopping on saturday...ya know, kinda treated myself for almost being done with school for the semester. Got a pedicure/manicure and needed some new jeans as I am throwing some old ones out. If you are from the DC area, you really need to get out to Tyson's. It's a pretty stinking huge mall...well, if you like shopping you should go, if you don't like shopping then you will hate this mall. I wasn't too thrilled about going on Saturday, but I needed to get a few things so I thought sure, why not. As soon as I walked in I was overwhelmed with the smell of teenagers. (ok, they don't actually have a smell, but I was still overwhelmed). I was overwhelmed by how many there were. I mean, every where I looked there was a teen. Don't get me wrong, I love teens...that's why it's my major, Youth Ministry. The odd thing about all this, I thought, was that there were absolutely no parents around any of them. It was the breeding ground for teenagers and I was a foreign alien that had walked into their realm. I already had a headache that day so I wanted to get my nails done, get my jeans, and get out! As I was shopping around, I started thinking about these kids and the many situations they were facing. Granted, I didn't know any of them, but the lives they must lead must be pretty heavy. My heart broke for them. I'm not complaining about them, but you can definitely tell by their actions, attitudes, and dress (mostly their actions and attitudes) that they are mostly hurting. I've heard it somewhere that hurting people hide. They hide underneath attitudes which could be in the context of acting out very loudly and abrasively. Where were these kids parents? What kind of involvement do they have with them? Do these kids go to church? Do they know about church? I was riding up the escalator toward the movie theater, which is where my car was, and for some reason this is just the place for ALL of them to congregate. Do they know? Have they heard? That the Lord is the everlasting God? The Creator of the ends of the earth? (Isaiah) Is someone going to tell them? Who will tell them about the love, the deep deep love of a Heavenly Father. Who will let them know about their sinfulness and how it leads to eternal death in Hell? Where were all the Christian teenagers? What were they doing on a Saturday afternoon? Why aren't they reaching out to their friends? You can definitely tell the difference between a Christian teen and a non-Christian teen. Christian teens have a maturity in Christ. They know their worth and value in the light of Christ Jesus. Non-Christian teens are looking else where for their value. Maybe their parents? Maybe each other. But how could I tell these kids? Could I stand in the middle of the food court, get up on a table, and start preaching? They would laugh. I prayed for them. I prayed that the Lord would show them Truth. My heart broke for the many faces in their that don't know Christ. 

Mikes Story:

He was going to the grocery store after church one Sunday to get some water. He told me that he was overwhelmed by the fact that the grocery store was full...on a Sunday! The parking lot was full even. Why aren't all these people coming back from church? Or on their way to church?

His heart was heavy for them as well. 

(haha...his story was shorter...) :o )

Our conclusion: Where do we start? How do we tell them the Gospel? 

I wanted to start preaching on the corner of the streets, but then I thought of how the Jehovah's witnesses do that, and I don't want to be associated with that and have the world be confused about a relationship with Christ rather than just another religion. 

Mike came through with wisdom from the Word though. He brought us back to the example of Christ and the woman at the well. Mike mentioned that he broke cultural barriers by talking with a woman, a samaritan, and a rejected prostitute. He wasn't shoving the word down her throat, but was gentle and patient with her as she pondered on what he was telling her. She would try to bring the conversation some place as while Christ would bring it back to her sinfulness and His Father's love for her. This is the way to do it. You show them the Gospel through your actions and love for them by being patient and gentle with them and speaking to them in Truth. 

I remembered that I had written a poem a year ago about this. I thought of it as I was riding the metro to work one day.

Here it is: 

Would I dare to stand in a crowd

of hurried people passing all around?

Look at the people into their lives,

All created by God, do they even realize?

All made to worship, love, and adore him,

But do they even know the trouble they are in?

"Guilty!" He calls them, this Righteous Judge.

"Justified!" points he to those saved by his Son.

Still a command he gives to share his Good Truth,

"How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news."

To the saved He says, "Watch closely, Dear ones,

For sorrow and joy will surely come."

"Lord, so many people to watch of many shapes and sizes.

In such a hurry, all those passing by us.

The stories we could hear of lives they lead. 

The good times and heartbreaks and different tragedies.

Do they know, Oh Lord? Can they see

A gracious God and His Sovereignty?

Here I am, Lord, still in this crowd.

Unsure of what to do to claim your Truth around.

Lord, do they know you?

Would they even car?

Of this love I'd be so willing to share?

How do I pass your Truth out?

Should I just shout:

"Come to Jesus! He is full of grace and hope!"

Then there I would stand in the middle of the road

Would anyone dare to look? Would they eve stop to ask

of this Sovereign Truth I hold in my grasp?

"She is mad," they would say,

"Just another Jesus Freak", and be on their way

My heart and hands lift to you, O King!

From where my help is come.

A heavy burden too much for me 

of the lost who don't know their way Home. 

"Child of mine," is his reply,

"I will put words into your lips, and I will send you out

Trust and obey the command I give. 

To pass out my Truth to all who live."

In the middle of the street, I fall to my knees.

"Lord, of all sinners, I am the worst of these!

Have mercy, O God, so I may be used

to show your love and share your good news."

"Daughter", he says to me

"I called you by your name.  Your sins are gone

and I see no more. 

Now go and tell of my forgiveness through my death for the world." 

♥ 

Don't Know How To Title This One...

Wow. Can I just tell you what an amazing week it has been? Well, it started off kinda rough, but towards the end, maybe around tuesday (ok, that's not really the end, but it was around there) that the Lord just really started teaching me a ton. Where do I start?

(Kristy, this may be a long one...and I may or may not put in potty breaks for you...)

Ok, let's start with my attitude. Always a good place to start, right mom's? I thought so. I have been having a bad attitude lately and because of this, I have felt kind of far from the Lord. Sin can do that to ya...you know, distant you from the Lord. Sunday was so refreshing being at church, as it always is. Shout out to Mark Dever for an awesome sermon on Sunday! He's still in Genesis and just to give you the short of it, was talking about how God is sovereign despite our sin. He still pursues us despite our sin. He still chooses to love me despite my horrid attitude (haha, yes, I used the word horrid). Nuts! I don't have my church notebook here to give you the full explanation of the sermon, but the keys words that I got out of it was to live in Grace. Mark didn't say that exactly, but that's what the Lord was working on in my heart during the sermon. Live in grace, Jenny! What does this mean? Well, lately, I think I have been living in the attitude of fear. Not a holy fear, a fear of reverance, but actual fear. I've been scared of my own life. I know, this sounds absolutely ridiculous. It is! It's sin! I haven't been living in the light of Grace, that fact that I have been forgiven and am redeemed. I see the sin that I commit and get upset about it and think that I must be the worst person ever. But I haven't been preaching the Gospel to myself. I have been complaining about my state whether that be my math class or any other trials. I have been complaining about it which is sin. So this week, the Lord has shown me what it means to live in Grace. And I think it's simply just...having a joy in the Lord. Being anxious for nothing...seeking first his kingdom....preaching the Gospel to myself and others...

A friend of mine came to me to ask prayer and I gave them this quote from Valley of Vision:

"Help me not only to receive him but to walk in him

depend on him

commune with him

be conformed to him

follow him

imperfect, but still pressing forward

not complaining of labour, but valuing rest

not murmuring under trials, but thankful for my state."

I was really convicted of my sinfulness when I was working out and doing sit ups. I think a lot when I work out and I was thinking about my relationship with the Lord. I have felt like something has changed drastically with it and I didn't like it and I wanted it to end. I wanted my relationship with the Lord to be back to where it was, where I was in love and excited to be in the Word. I was lying on my back and right in the gym just asked the Lord to restore my relationship with Him. He's so gracious! Then I came home and it was then that I gave my friend that quote and it really hit me. I've been complaining!!! Jenny, you are a complainer! You have not shown trust in the Lord during your trust. Complaining shows a lack of trust. The last line just really hit me. "not murmuring under trials, but thankful for my state." So I decided to thank the Lord for my state. My state of not knowing if I'll pass my math class, my state of uncertainty of future plans, my state of hating things about my body, etc... the list goes on, people. The next day, it was a drastic change! I saw joy come back into my life! I was more appreciative of the Gospel! I was excited about my "state's". I've noticed even my sense of humor come back. It's freeing, really.

This week, I am house/dogsitting for my boss. Last night, my friend Leslie slept over. On the car ride there we just got to talking about the Lord and through telling her again what the Lord has been teaching me, the Lord just kept bringing up more verses that went along with what he is teaching me. "Do not be anxious for anything, but in everything by prayer and supplicationa and with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God and the peace of God will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." (Woo!! I just totally typed that out by memorization!!)

I've been so anxious about many things lately. But what does God tell us here? Don't be anxious about it! BUT pray about it....but not just that though...he adds (this is the key ingredient) and with THANKSGIVING. Thank the Lord for the state he has you in right now. Praise his name for it! This is where you will best glorify him. Then the verse that says the Joy of the Lord is your strength was brought to mind and from the key ingredient of thanksgiving in your prayer come forth the JOY of the Lord. YAY! Joyfulness!! Who doesn't want that? From that then comes Grace...living in grace. Enjoying God. There's kinda weird math formula going on here...

Let's see if I can make one come out that will make sense:

anxiousness + complaining = sin/bad attitude

Divided by thankfulness in prayer (peace of mind x joy of the Lord x living in Grace squared)

all over a Gospel Centered Life = more love for Jesus square root of nearer to the cross

hahaha... i've been thinking of math too much. That probably didn't make any sense at all.

Then today!!! Oh my goodness...

I'm gonna keep this kinda short cause I'm wicked tired right now.

There was a girl last summer in the intern bible study who I had a really great Gospel conversation with one night at Ben and Jerry's. She was so curious to hear about the Bible and Jesus. She kept coming back to the bible study and asking really great questions. Well, I hadn't heard from her in a while because when the interns leave, you just never really get to say goodbye. So I gchated with her this morning and she was so excited to tell me that she had gotten saved this summer!!!! I knew it. I remember one night after the bible study we were talking and something inside just clicked and I could see it. But it was really neat to her back from her 5 months later that the Lord is teaching her so much! She's so excited about reading the Word and so in love with our Gracious Father. I can't tell you what a blessing it was to be a part of that. It was especially neat to see how God, he did it all. He's the one that told her to come to our church. He's the one that put it on her heart to buy a bible. He's the one who called her to himself. Wow. What an amazing privilege to be a part of that process. Truly amazing.

So all that to say, living in grace = thankfulness of your state, no matter where or what that is and then watching the Lord's work in your heart and life and in others.

Simply amazing.

♥

St. Augustine

This is me...procrastinating on writing my paper. But, I am doing research on it! That's a good start, right?

Well, anyway, my paper is over the Canon of the Scripture and what key events happened to make the whole of the Canon. I was reading over an article I found on Liberty's online Library (yes, I know a Library online...who woulda thunk?) The article is "The Canon of Holy Scripture: An Anglican Note".  While I was reading, I came across a quote from St. Augustine. You might've heard one of his other quotes that I loved, until I realized...well, actually, he is wrong in it. That quote went, "preach the Gospel at all times, and if necessary use words." Meaning that an unbeliever should be able to look in your life at your actions and see the Gospel. Well, that's true, but using words is also very necessary to explain the Gospel. 

(I am putting in a small break...KRISTY...this is your time to use the bathroom, get a coffee, or just let your brain relax for a second and let the ADHD wear off for a min....)

;o ) 

.... 

Ok, and we're back. So the quote that good 'ol St. Augustine had in this article was, "I would not believe the Gospel to be true unless the authority of the Catholic Church moved me to it." Well, Aug. I think you may be a little off here. I think you would believe the Gospel to be true, because the Holy Spirit has drawn you to believe it is. Redemption was placed in your heart by the Holy Spirit who is calling you to Jesus Christ. It seems to me that Aug. here is putting the Catholic Church as his authority. There is a Charles Spurgeon quote that I'm thinking of that kind of contrasts what St. Aug. is saying... (let me google it so I won't mess it up...be right back.  [Kristy, here's another break]) 

This quote is concerning election, but Spurgeon says, "I believe in the doctrine of election, because I am quite sure that if God had not chosen me I would have never have chosen him; and I am sure he chose me before I was born, or else he would have never have chosen me afterward." 

I guess the contrast I see here is that St. Augustine was letting the Catholic Church tell him that Scripture is true. But Charles Spurgeon was saying the he is letting the Holy Spirit is the one that has drawn him to Christ. 

Not sure if that made sense...

ok, back to my paper. 

♥ 

Happy Retirement Dad!!!

October 31, 2008. This was my Dad's last day of working at GM for 35 + years. I gotta say, I'm proud of him! Can I just let this blog be about how amazing my dad is? Seriously, I have the world's best day. Yeah, all those mugs that say "World's Best Dad" goes to him. But I don't mean it in a cheesy way. I really mean, he has got to be the best dad ever! He is constantly telling me that he prays for me every day. He is always asking me what I'm reading in God's Word. He reminds me that "no matter what, Jen, stay close to the Lord." (his words) He is loving to me even when I push him away. He has faithfully provided for our family for our whole lives. He is humble and so willing to go 2o extra steps to make sure we are happy. If ever there was an earthly picture of my Heavenly Father, James F. Barnhart is it. He not only cares for me, but he also cares for my friends and is always asking me how they are doing. He is eager to talk about the Lord and his grace with me. He is eager to help me on my Math when I am having a mental breakdown and can't do it any more. Yay Dad for finishing 35+ years of GM, but not only finishing GM, but for selflessly providing for your family! Thank you for giving me a clear picture of my Heavenly Father. You have been a great Dad! I am so blessed to have you as my Dad. Love you!

♥ 

(Kristy, that wasn't a long one) ;O ]

When Is School Over Again?

Have I mentioned how much I can't wait for school to get over???? 

I keep thinking about all the things I am going to do with my time. 

I have a list. Here's what I have so far:

1. Guitar lessons

2. Photography Classes

3. Missions trips

4. More time for discipleship

5. More time for ministry

6. More time for serving

7. More time to spend with families

8. More time to spend with kids

9. Read books that I actually want to read

10. More time in God's Word

11. More time with my roommates

12. A full time job I can really devote myself too

....

AHHH!!!! When school is over, my life can start finally.

Can you tell I'm itching to be done??? 

March. March is my end goal. Though, I'm really nervous about my math class. Pray that I pass it. oh boy...gotta go study. 

♥ 

Lingering...

Yesterday's message was really good. I am really enjoying this series on Genesis we are having at my church. Mark spoked over Genesis 16:1-25:18. There was a lot to put in that message over 10 chapters, but he nailed down five points. I don't have my church notebook with me right now otherwise, I'd put them up here for ya. There was one part that really stuck out to me. It was in the chapter that talks about Sodom and Gomorrah and specifically how the Lord was merciful to Lot to take him out of that city. The verse that I underlined in my Bible was Genesis 19:16 "But he lingered. So the men seized him and his wife and his two daughters by the hand, the Lord being merciful to him, and they brought him out of and set him outside the city."
The context here is starts when two angels (who are the two men in this verse) come to visit Lot bringing him a message from the Lord that he is going to destroy the city because of all the sexual sin. There were even some men that were trying to break in Lot's house to do impure things with him and his family. Lot was even going to give his two daughters to the men. But the angels struck them all with blindness so they would not see the door to break in. The angels again told Lot to leave this place in the morning. The next morning the angels showed up again to remind Lot to flee, but here in verse 16 we see that Lot lingered! He hesitated. What was he doing when he was lingering? Did he not see the corruption in the city? But we also see the mercy of God by the angels physically grabbing Lot and taking him and his family out of the city. The Lord could have let Lot stay there in the city since we see his lack of trust in the Lord for lingering or maybe his desire to stay in the sin. Don't you see yourself in Lot though? I see myself here. I see when I hesitate to follow the Lord because I either don't trust him or I like the sin that I am doing. But we also see another example of the mercy and grace of the Lord to not let us die in our sin or to practice his sovereignty in our lives by fulfilling his purposes whether we move or not. He's still so faithful to prove to us his goodness and love even when we are lingering. Why do we linger? Why don't we trust the Lord when he says to do something? Why do we like to stay in our sin? It's comfortable? Perhaps. It's safe? Definitely. But God hasn't called us to safetly or comfort. He's called us to take up our cross daily and follow him. I am thinking about how I could apply this to my life. I was thinking on my walk to work this morning about how often I have taken my eyes off the cross and placed them on my circumstances that seem to be whirling around me. I tend to think that I can control them when I do that. But it usually ends that I can't and I have made even more of a mess of things. Why do I do this? I don't trust the Lord. I am lingering. I'm so thankful though that the Lord has placed me somewhere where I have godly people around me to remind me of his faithfulness in bringing me out of myself and putting me at the feet of the Cross where my first love is.

♥

Christianity vs. Homosexuality

My sister sent me this email this morning about a woman who was a homosexual, but by the sovereignty of God, he revealed his truth to her and she is now walking with the Lord. She is in a custody battle to gain her daughter. She will be on trial on Sunday in Vermont.
Here's the rest of the story:

Mom's Faith

I work at Liberty Christian Academy, and Lisa a lady I work with is in a 5 year legal battle against Christianity and homosexuality. She is the ultimate picture of grace, and shared her testimony today in chapel and staff devotions. She has been featured with Dr. Dobson, Bill O’Reilly, Newsweek and others. The link I am sending tells her story. Basically, she lived a homosexual lifestyle, God brought her out of it when she got saved, and since then she has been in a fight for her biological daughter. All is coming to a head next couple of days, Sunday is her deposition in Vermont. Monday is the trial. She is up against the ACLU, her former partner has the backup of the entire homosexual community/organizations. What she tells us is really the trial has boiled down to standing up for her Christian belief against the homosexual lifestyle. They are using her Christian belief against her to give full custody over to the ex-partner who has no biological ties. Lisa is being represented by Liberty University counsel. She is back by the chancellor/pastor of Liberty University/Thomas Road Baptist Church. She is in need of prayer, and believes that God can do a mighty work.Please pray for her as she goes into this weekend/week, and for her little girl, as she may lose her mom on Monday. Lisa is facing jail time and losing her little girl if the homosexual side wins out. Her up-to-date information is on a facebook group "only one mommy"Also, the link I am sending tells her story

75 + Years!

Yesterday morning, I was watching the Today show whilst eating my cereal before heading out the door. I had turned on the T.V. just in time to see the birthday wishes to those who have hit the 100th+ year mark. One of the pictures that came on, was a happy anniversary picture of a couple who had been married for 75 years! She was 100 and he was 105!! Wow! I was first blown away by their age, and then I was blown away that they have been together for that long. Can you imagine...75 years of marriage???? Gosh, right now, I can't even imagine one. But how wonderful of a gift that is from the Lord to be married for someone for 75 years! After spending that long with one person, going through really hard times and really good times, seeing kids grow up and grand-kids grow up and great grand-kids grow up, watching the world change, watching each other change...wow, what a gift that is! I wonder if they are christians? I wonder if they see the blessing the Lord has given them to each other. In today's society, being married for 3 years, let alone 75 years is unheard of. Society today is in a sad state about relationships and how they view marriage. It's all a game. It's all about the number of people you can sleep with in a month. I'm not just talking about non-christians either. Some Christians even view relationships as a game, not in the matter how many people they can sleep with, but maybe in the matter that they just want to flirt around for a little bit. They don't want to make a committment or they are just scared. Relationships are a gift from the Lord. It's in his grace that he is even giving us relationships. As I had said many times in previous posts, marriage is a picture of Christ and his love relationship with his bride, the church. He sanctifies her by the washing of the Word. He protects her. He provides for her. He allows her to go through trials, but always comes in as a rescuing hero. He is her lover and friend. It's so beautiful!

I have missed my grandma (whom I call Nanny) SO incredibly much lately. It hurts my heart to think that she is gone, but also makes it happy to know she is with her Savior. Sometimes, I will just want to pick up the phone to hear her voice and encouragement from her. Or to hear her laughter and cheerful heart, and then I realize that I can't any more, but someday, I will see her again. Gosh, I miss her. There was an older couple who came to Bible study last night. They seem like wonderful saints in the Lord. They were members of my church a long time ago and have come back to visit for a week or weekend. Our Pastor had the hubby (George) come up and share a little bit about they he and his wife had been doing. Honestly, I don't remember much of the details, because I just so charmed by his sparkling and effectious personality. He had so much vigor for the work of the Lord and for the goodness and grace he has seen from the Lord on our church throughout the years. He was absolutely precious! His wife seemed as sweet as ever. She didn't talk much, and I didn't have time to meet her afterwards (I wish I could have), but she seemed like the kind of woman who was a great encouragement to him. Behind every good man is a great woman encouraging him along and she seemed to be doing just that.

♥

This Life is Not My Own

This life is not my own. I have to remember this sometimes. I especially have to remember this when making decisions. I was told this this morning as I met with a guy who has a ministry in South Africa. I have been thinking about the possiblity of going there for a while, and he was in town this weekend so we decided to meet before he left today. I think it was a good thing for me to talk to him about South Africa again. It was good to be reminded of the depravity in South Africa and the fact that I could be used as a tool for the Kingdom of God. It would be amazing to go there! We talked about logistics and how long I would be there. It looks like I could possibly be there from June to the end of the year. Not that long, right? That's a good amount of time. BUT I have to raise about 25,000. Yickes! I don't know how that is going to happen especially with the economy the way it is. But, if the Lord wants me there, then he will provide.
Besides the financial situation, what's stopping me? Well, just like the title of this blog, I have to remember that my life is not my own. Which means, I have to put aside my desires. I've gotten quite comfortable here. I have good friends, a good family, a great church...I have a lot here. But there's this little voice in the back of my head that says, what about marriage? What about your desire for a family? What about that? If you go to South Africa that will be delayed even longer. Well, that's just a bunch of hooey. God is sovereign over all of that. And yes, I do have a desire for marriage and children, but that's MY desire. It may not be the Lord's for my life. My life is not my own. My desires are not my own. God may have something that is much bigger than my desires which is why I need to lay those down if they aren't going to happen and if the Lord is leading me elsewhere. Why wait around to be dissappointed any more? Go work for the Kingdom!!! This life is not my own. No matter how tired I get, no matter how dissappointed I am, no matter how much work there is, no matter how much service there is without getting back, this life is not my own. I can't hold onto it any more. I think I've been holding so tightly to my goals and desires that I haven't been willing or flexable to let go of them and let the Lord lead me to where I can be used for his glory rather than searching for my own glory.
I mean, what an amazing thing it would be to go and build those relationships with the South African women!! Just to have them over for dinner, take them grocery shopping, go watch a movie, talk to them about Jesus, watch them grow in the Lord, and also build some character for myself and dependence on the Lord. Sounds amazing, doesn't it?
When do I need to make this decision? Soon. I have to start fundraising if I'm going to leave in June.
We'll see what the Lord puts on my heart and what he tells me through his Word.

♥

Jeremiah 9:23-24

Tonight was a girl night through and through. I went to youth group and it ended at 9:30. I went home and noone was home so I decided to let it be a Jenny night. So I put on my sweats, took my make up off, pulled back my hair, cleansed my face with a mask, whitened my teeth, and polished my toe nails. Now I'm just chilling eating popcorn and watching a movie. It's kinda nice and I've been needing one of these for a while. I've kinda had a week off of school this week with the exception of one class, Math. It's been, I guess, my "fall break", but really, I haven't had a break since I started school. It's been really nice not having to really think about school and scheduling my time wisely so that I make sure to study for a while. I've felt like I've been getting back to the old Jenny and not being so stressed out and actually enjoying things. But I've also reminded myself that this won't last long and next week I start 3 classes! Yickes! In case I haven't mentioned this before, I really really REALLY can't wait for school to be D-O-N-E! These three weeks will be the most intense for me. I keep telling myself that it's only 8 weeks. Only 8 weeks and it'll be down hill from there. My classes are Math (which I'm trying to get out of because I took a Math course both at Pensacola Christian College and Rochester College), Church History, and Acts. 

But anyway, it's just been a really nice night to end my week of sanity. 

I wanted to give you this verse for the day. Jeremiah 9:23-24

Thus sayd, the Lord, "Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the might man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches. But let him who knows boasts, boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight," declares the Lord.

I thought of the DC life when I read this. Around here, people can be so caught up with their education and job status and riches and even relationship status. It's hard not be rely on those things. It's especially hard when you don't have any of those things and you want them. Personally, I struggle with the education part. Here I am 25 years old and STILL working on my bachelor's. There are kids that I babysat that are in their second year of school. All the while, my friends are either getting their Masters, done with it, or working on their Ph.D. Or they have really great jobs that they are really enjoying and succeeding in. It's so hard to not envy that. But I have to remind myself that even if I do have those, I can't boast in them. Those aren't the things that will gain me entrance into God's Kingdom. Those aren't the eternal things. I'm thankful that the Lord doesn't look at our education, job title, relationship status, 401k, or anything else to shed his grace upon me. 

♥ 

Cleaning out the Old

When are you most productive? I was asked this question once by a dear friend of mine who has been an incredible help in choices that I've had to make in the last few months. Right away I knew what the answer was. The evening. I am not a morning person at all. I definitely feel like I could conquer the world in the evening. I am so much more concentrated and on my game and feeling like I could clean the whole house, get laundry done, run 6 miles, write out a 8 page paper, and maybe have time for T.V. 

Well tonight I was a busy little bee. I was doing laundry and working out and eating some dinner and hanging with a friend and cleaning out the old... wait, what? What does that mean?

Let me explain. It's October. The middle of October. Today was 80-some degrees out!! Arg. Tomorrow is going to be 60!!! YAY!! I love fall. My favorite season is fall. Winter...not so much, but fall I really love. So in the midst of doing laundry and getting excited for the cold front that is finally coming  in (I know, I'm from Michigan, and I'm saying 60 degrees is a cold front...I haven't been home for a whole winter since 05. My blood has thinned out.) I decided that I would finally pull out my fall/winter clothes while listening to my favorite Christmas CD, Boyz II Men. (I know, I know. I totally broke the rules. But it's my FAVORITE! And it just puts me in a good mood. I asked my roommate Ryan if she thought it was alright and she totally agreed.) While I was pulling out all those clothes, I was also getting rid of thing that I haven't worn in years. Have you ever done that? I'm sure you have. If you haven't...well...you really should. I was watching TLC's What Not To Wear (I am so addicted to that show!) and it just put me in the mood to get rid of all my ugly clothes that I haven't worn in so long. So I was going through boxes of clothes and as I was doing that I was thinking two things: One. WHAT on EARTH was I thinking wearing these ugly clothes???? I mean, did I REALLY think they looked good?? My wardrobe pretty much said TOMBOY! Going through those clothes just brought me back to two years ago when I was living with the Coles, trying to get on my feet, working in an elementary school as an assistant/personal tutor for a little boy with severe physical disabilities, and coaching cheerleading at Trinity Christian School. My closet said, "broke immature college student/tomboy who doesn't have a clue what to do with her life". I remembered my closet back then. If you would have asked me to put on a good work outfit, I would've come out with jeans and a tshirt I had gotten from Good Will. Seriously. Gosh, but it felt SO good to get rid of those things that I do not wear any more, and kind of refreshing to look at my closet and be happy with where I am now...growing up. 

Ok, so you may be thinking. Jenny, this seems like a fashion advice column. Don't fret, my friend. It's not. Though, I do think I need to take Stacy and Clinton's job on What Not To Wear...or at least the hairstylist's dude. The OTHER thing I was thinking while putting this stuff in the trash is, how can I compare this to my walk with the Lord? Immediately, the passage in Colossians came to mind. 

Here it is: 

Colossian 3:5-10,12-14

5-Put to death therefore what is earthly in you. sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 

6- On account of these the wrath of God is coming.

7- In these you too once walked, when you were living in them.

8- But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.

9- Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices

10- and have put on the new self which is being renewed in the knowledge after the image of its creator

12- Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts of kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,

13- bearing with one another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

14- And above all these put on love, which binds every thing together in perfect harmony. 

I know this is such a typical illustration for this verse. But I especially think it applies to us girls/women since we all love clothes and shopping. 

I couldn't help but think of my wardrobe when I was typing that verse out. It's like when I looked at all that old, dingy stuff, I was disgusted with myself for wearing them and wondered why on earth I would want to wear them or why I thought they looked good...or maybe, why didn't anyone TELL me I looked horrible? 

Hmm...do you see the illustration yet? 

SIN! Yes, exactly! When you look...OOH!! this is good...I just got another thought. Ok, let me get comfortable so I can write it because it's good. 

SO, when you become a Christian at the beginning the Cross may not look as big or you may not be able to understand it real clear yet, but as you grow in sanctification  and start spending more time in the Word and you see the Grace of God more clearly, the Cross becomes bigger and bigger. You start to see why exactly Christ had to die for you. (there's a chart that goes alone with this, but I don't know how to do it on the computer, and don't have time...it's 12:45 am) So when you start to grow in your walk with the Lord, you take a look back into your old life and see the disgusting, dingy sin that you were walking in and wonder...why on earth did you want to do that? Why did I think that sin looked good on me? Why didn't someone tell me that sin looked bad on me? That sin looks so bad, that you don't even want anyone else to wear it, so you put it in a bag to be thrown in the trash...just as I am doing. It's hard not to go back to the old stuff you where once wearing though, right? They were comfortable. They were cute. They made me feel good. But, but, but...it's all wrong! The colors have faded, the wear has holes in it, it's wrinkled, it's out of style, it doesn't FIT YOU! 

Sin can be comfortable. It's comfortable because our pride tells us it is. We don't want to admit that we look bad. I like how the passage tells us to put all that away...put it in the trash! 

And then Paul tells us what to wear next. He brings out a whole new wardrobe that looks BRIGHT, VIBRANT, FRESH, BEAUTIFUL!!! I don't know about you, but all I see in the garments he gave us is nothing but the best...the character of Christ. And guess what...it's one size fits all! He first tells us that we are holy and beloved! ME? Holy and Beloved?!?! Come on. And to top it off, I'm chosen. Mmmm...that feels nice...like a lovely new Cashmere sweater from J. Crew (totally thought of you when I wrote that Meredith!) :O) 

I really like the last verse in this passage...he saves the best for last...above all these things, put on LOVE which binds everything in perfect harmony. It's like a good necklace, or ring, or earrings, or headband...some kind of accessory that binds the whole outfit together. 

Now that's a great outfit!

♥ 

...and Yet He's Still Sovereign!

Sunday's message was so incredible! I was so encouraged by it. You should really go listen to it.

It's called Abram: The Beginning of Salvation. 

I was having a hard time keeping my ADD under control on Sunday and was a little scared I wasn't going to be able to pay attention. My mind seemed to wander to so many different things that day...it's was kinda annoying. Right before the message started I prayed to ask the Lord to help me have concentration to keep my mind alert and my heart eager to hear His words. John Piper had suggested doing that at New Attitude conference I went to last year, and it has really helped me concentration on the Lord during the message. It's just a great idea to get rid of distractions that are entering your mind. 

So anyway,  Mark spoke over Genesis 11:27-15:21. The story is about Abram and God's call to him to go into another land and He will bless him. God also promised that Abram's wife, Sarai, would have a child and from this child the Messiah would come. The message was mostly about God's sovereignty and how even though we mess up, he is still sovereign over it all. 

For example: When Abram was going into the land of Egypt, Abram told Sarai to lie and say she was his sister instead of his wife. This showed a lack of trust in God's promises on Abram's part. Mark reminded us that yes, Abram sinned, but God was still sovereign over it. Just because Abram messed up doesn't mean that God won't keep his promises with him. Gosh, I don't know about you, but whenever I mess up (ps. which is ALL THE STINKING TIME!) I often can be tempted to think God won't want to pull through this time. I am tempted to think that God will leave me in my sin to teach me a lesson. But Praise Him, that's not how he works at all. He is still sovereign over our mess ups and his purpose in our life will still be fulfilled. If he wants to get us that job, then he will. If he wants us married, then he will lead us to the right person. If he wants us to have children, they he will make a way (He did it for Sarai). If he wants our friends and family saved, then he will soften their hearts to the Gospel. He was sovereign over our salvation, wasn't he?Mark reminded us that Abram sinned, yet God still blessed DESPITE his sin. 

Another thing that was so helpful for me to hear is that if we are growing in prosperity then we tend to think that it's a sign of God's approval. Boy, do I think this all the time. I constantly think that when I see others getting married or getting done with school without any loans or just absolutely gorgeous with a sparkling personality. I think that because of all those blessings, then God must be in approval of them and not me. He must be mad at me for something because he hasn't blessed me with what I want yet. WOW! SOooooo not true. This is not the God of the Bible at all. Again, Abram messed up; God was still sovereign. I will, have, am messing up; and my Heavenly, good, and faithful Lord is still sovereign over it. I'm so thankful. He's not going to take away his promise of salvation because I keep messing up. No, he's going to continue to cover me with blankets of Grace. And it's part of God's good grace that he is showing us our sinfulness. It's another reminder of the Cross of Christ and how much we are dependent on it for our salvation. 

At the end of the message, Mark had mentioned "All we have to do is look to tomorrow and our faith waivers." How true that is. I constantly look to the future and am often worried over it. I worry that I won't find a job I enjoy, or I worry that I won't graduate from school (6 more months!!!!) Or I worry that I won't be able to pay off my loans. Or I worry that my parents are worrying. YICKES! STOP WORRYING, Jenny! Be still and know that He is God. Know that he is sovereign. 

I'm so thankful that my Lord doesn't cut me off when I mess up over and over. I'm so thankful that he has shown me truth. I'm so thankful that he has so much patience with me and is willing to stay with me. I'm thankful that yet, he is still sovereign.

♥ 

Ashes for Beauty

There is a song that I have been playing over and over on my Itunes. I absolutely love it and it just keeps my mind centered on the cross as things in my life seem to get crazier and crazier with school work and a new job and trying to maintain friend relationship as well as ministry relationships and family. I've also passed this song along to a good friend who need a reminder that Christ can bear our burdens. His yoke is easy and his burden is light.

If you want to listen to the melody, you totally should. Go to the Itunes store and search for At the Foot of the Cross by either Kathryn Scott or Tammy Trent. 

Here are the lyrics: 

At the foot of the cross

Where grace and suffering meet

Through the judgement you received

And you've won my heart

Yes you've won my heart

Now I can

Trade these ashes in for beauty

And wear forgiveness like a crown

Coming to kiss the feet of mercy

I lay every burden down

At the foot of the cross

At the foot of the cross

Where I am made complete

You have given me life

Through the death you bore for me

And you've won my heart

Yes you've won my heart

Now I can 

Trade these ashes in for beauty

And wear forgiveness like a crown

Coming to kiss the feet of mercy

I lay every burden down

At the foot of the cross

♥

The Box

Tonight was a good night...well definitely not in terms of my paper that is due on friday, but a good night nontheless. 

I went running around 5 and didn't get back till 7:30! Woo!! Don't be too impressed though. I ran 6 miles (from my house to the Lincoln memorial and back) and then I went to the gym to work other muscles. I'm trying to get back to running 10 miles with out and problems. It's gonna take me a while. I realize that my shoes were completely wrong for my foot. The dude at the running store kept giving me a half size bigger and it made my feet feel just lost in my shoe and really awkward when I ran. 

Anyway, that felt really good to go for a long run tonight and then to the gym to do some other stuff. It was nice pretending that homework didn't exist in my life for one night. Have I mentioned that I CAN'T WAIT FOR SCHOOL TO BE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ah!!!! Only 6 more months, Lord willing!!! 

After I got home from my run, I had some dinner and then watched some TV for a bit (Meredith got TiVo so it's kinda addicting now). I decided this morning that today would be the day that I was going to get rid of "the box". This box I have been carrying around for... ... ... 4 years!!! Holy Cow!! This box contained two years of my life and was packed with memories. I'm kind of a sentimental girl, so I keep things that mean a lot to me. Well, this box contained a two-year relationship I had in college. I was excited to get rid of it because it has been haunting me for the last 4 years, but was never willing to give it up. As I was going through it, I started reading over notes and looking at pictures and all the little things he did for me. It was an emotional time. Not because I was tearful, but because I experience a wide variety of emotions. I guess I was just frustrated and sad. This boy was so thoughtful. He was consistent in writing me notes during my day to let me know he was praying for me or he thought I was the most beautiful girl. He daily encouraged me in the Word. He was careful to let me know how much I meant to him. Why did I keep all that stuff for that long? Maybe because I don't think anyone will ever treat me like he did or better than he did so it was just a good reminder of what it was like. But I'm not trusting God with that. I'm not relying on the Lord and the fact that He has treated me so far beyond all I deserve. He has given me a new life in Christ! 

I didn't think that getting rid of that box would be as hard as it was. I was saying goodbye to A LOT of memories. Everything that I kept would bring back some kind of memory. It was so strange. But very heart breaking getting rid of all of it. 

Thankfully, it's all gone! Now, I press on into the future. 

♥ 

The King of Love My Shepherd Is

The King of love, my shepherd is,

whose goodness faileth never;

I nothing lack if I am His 

And he is mine forever.

Where streams of living water flow,

My ransomed soul He leadeth,

And where the verdant pastures grow, 

With food celestial feedeth.

Perverse and foolish oft I strated,

But yet in love he sought me,

And on His shoulder gently laid,

And home, rejoicing brought me.

In death's dark vale, I fear no ill

With Thee, dear Lord, beside me; 

Thy rod and staff my comfort still

Thy cross before to guide me.

Thou spreadst a table in my sight;

Thine unction grace bestoweth;

And O what transport of delight

From Thy pure chalice floweth.

And so through all the length of days

Thy goodness faileth never;

Good shepherd, may I sing Thy praise

Within Thy house forever.

-Henry Williams Baker

This is my favorite song we sing at church. 

♥ 

Finally...in her wedding dress she walks.

I just found out today that a friend from Pensacola Christian College was killed in a car accident yesterday. Her name is Janet Bauernschmitt. I can't believe that this has happened to a girl like her. She was in my collegian and we were on the soccer team together. She was bright and beautiful, godly, talented and well known with her wonderful character and a deep love for Jesus.

So many thoughts have run through my head today as I sit and think about what has happened. Thoughts that she was too young. She was supposed to get married and have children and be a missionaries wife and become an incredibly talented artist. She was supposed to live a full life bringing glory to God by meeting people with her friendliness and charm. Could this really bring God glory? As an incredibly moldable vessel has been taken out of a dieing world? Romans 8 reminds us that ALL things work together for good to those who are called according to his purpose. This will work for her good and his glory.

I took a walk to starbucks and wrote in my journal to just talk to the Lord about this. I told him that it makes me want to change the way I look at everything. It makes me want to live everyday as if it were the last, but it makes me scared. It makes me not want to waste a word or deed. It makes me want to tell a boy that I like him or tell my family that I love them or tell others about the truth of Christ so that I will never leave a word, thought, or deed undone. It makes me want to take my camera everywhere I go so I can document everything...oh wait, I do that anyway. Mostly, it makes me want to worship my Father. It makes me see his desire to have his children near him in his presence forever. It makes me want to lift up my hands and say, "Praise the Lord Almighty for the blessed news of His Son Jesus Christ to die for us so we can know and enjoy the presence of God, our Father, in eternity with Him." It makes me so grateful to know of the grace he has LOVINGLY poured out for us through his Son. It makes me stand in awe of his majesty and holiness. It's a joyful thing to know that Janet is spending her first day in the presence of the Great I Am. It makes me look forward to the day when I'll be freed from sinning. A mutual friend of ours wrote in a note that made you think about actually meeting Jesus face to face someday. Can you picture it? Wow.

The verses that I wrote about yesterday are perfect for her as she joins her loving Bridegroom. I talked to my dad today and he told me of a verse in Revelation 14 that says, "Blessed are those who die in the Lord." Truly, we are blessed to die in the Lord. To be welcomed in to an everlasting home with our Savior. To be worshipping at his throne with all the saints around. To be rejoicing at the thought of sinning no more.

Janet didn't enter death. She entered her wedding day. She joined in marriage with her bridegroom as all the saints awaited her entrance. She is in her wedding dress of pure white as the Lover of her soul has covered her with a robe of righteousness. She lived her life to adorn herself for her Bridegroom. As she entered the wedding feast, the Bridegroom rejoiced as he watched his faithful servant enter the room of his everlasting, everlasting love and comfort as he wiped away the tears from her eyes. He welcomed her with open arms as whispered in her ear as he breathed him in for the first time, "Well done, though good and faithful servant."

♥

Oh Weddings.

Yesterday was my roommate, Stephanie's wedding. She married a guy from our church named Geoff. He is so great for her! And she is so great for him! It has been wonderful living with her and watching their relationship grow. I remember when they first started dating when we all went to go swing dancing at the Kennedy Center and she was scared he wouldn't ask her to dance with him, and yesterday, I got to witness them dancing together as husband and wife for the first time. It was such a beautiful wedding and reception. Unforunately, I can't find my USB port for my camera right now otherwise I would put a picture up. (sidenote: I can't find my cell phone either. Ah! I hope I left it in my car, or it might be at Buzz...let's just hope it's one of those places. Lord, please let it be one of those places) 

If you would ask me if I cried at the wedding yesterday, well...yes, I did. I would have bawled if no one was around. Stephanie looked absolutely beautiful!!! The message was wonderful and a great reminder of Christ's love for the church. And to witness their first kiss was so sweet. Of course, as a single girl, you can't help but hope and pray for that to happen to you one day. Where a guy sweeps you off your feet and shows you the love and character of Christ and is willing to love, protect, and provide for you just as Christ does for his bride. 

I had to get up real early that morning so I could take her bridemaids to their hair appointment. While I waited for them I sat in starbucks to do some devo's and homework. Might as well redeem my time if I have to get up that early right? I have finished my devotions in Isaiah and I was reading the last few chapters and came across these verses that I wanted to share with you real quick. It was the theme of the day. Bride. Bridegroom. Love. Wedding. Marriage. Christ's love for the church. Well, here ya go.

Isaiah 61:10

I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation, he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

Isaiah 62:5

For as a young man marries a young woman, so shall your sons marry you, and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride so shall your God rejoice over you.

These verses were so fitting as I watched Stephanie enter the room in utter confidence that her groom was waiting for her at the end of the aisle. She was decked in pure white as are the saints decked in robes of pure righteousness. Geoff stood there as he watched his beaming bride walk straight to him and only him. Her eyes fixed on the love who has pursued her to fall in love with him. Just as Isaiah 62:5 says the bridegroom rejoices over his bride. Geoff was ready to rejoice over his bride as she came closer and closer to him down the aisle. What a beautiful picture of the love Christ has for his bride, the Church. 

Praise God for his kindness in allowing marriages, especially Christian marriages that reflect his image.

♥ 

Last Year

Do you ever think back a year ago what you were doing? Last year I was on a week vacation after just quitting a job that I absolutely hated. The picture to the left is what I did with my time. :O) That's my old roommate Katy. Last year at this time, she was living with us before she left for Arkansas with the Airforce. Last year, at this time, I was taking swing dance lessons. Last year, I started a new job. Last year, I was dating someone.  Last year, I was on a soccer team. Last year, my course work wasn't as extensive, but I wasn't as close to graduating. Last year, my hair was shorter. (thank goodness it grew!) Last year, I had my own room in the basement. Last year, I had different roommates. Last year, I didn't know as many  people. Last ye

ar, I was helping in the youth group. 

A lot can happen in a year, I'm realizing. Especially around DC. This year, my hair is LONG!!! This year, I am closer to graduating, but with more course work (which is fine). This year, I am working part-time at three different jobs: executive administrative assistant, photographer's assistant, and babysitter extrodinare! This year, I have different roommates (which is also a good thing) (ps. I'm not saying that any of these things are bad, by the way) This year, I have closer relationships and friendships. This year, I am not dating anyone. This year, I have more motivation. This year, I have more goals. This year, I am sharing a room in the upstairs. This year, I am stil

l on a soccer team! :O) 

This year, I am not swing dancing. This year, I am helping in a bible study called Intern Bible Study. This year, I feel more like a woman than a girl. 

So what happened in a year? Gosh...A LOT! My roommate, Katy moved out. Lise's cat ran away. I learned that I love to cook! I quit my job to do school more full time. Two of my roommates got married. Three more roommates moved in. I went through up's and down's emotionally. I learned a  lot from the Lord. My sister moved to Lynchburg. My brother moved to Charollotsville (I can't spell it). My grandmother died in December. My dad is retiring soon. I had a few dead rats in my room. I was running close to 8 miles a night. I ran a 10 miler and beat my time!!! I went to camp. I decided not to go to Rhode Island. I am trying to decide if I want to go to South Africa. New people have come in to our church. Old friends have left. 

Gosh, so many things have happened. But so thankful for all of it. God is sovereign and he ordains the steps in my life to purpose it for his glory. 

♥ 

Memories: Mom and Apple Pie

Happy Autumnal Equinox!!!!!!!!

I love fall! It's always the perfect weather. It is such a nice finish to a gross, humid summer. Fall is a breath of fresh air that we have all longed for while we were suffocating from the humidity here in the city. I love everything about fall... the colors... the pumpkins... Thanksgiving... PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES!!!.... the clothes... 

One of my favorite things in the entire world is Apple Pie! If Apple pie is a choice on a dessert menu I would choose that in a heart beat. Apple pie beats stinking creme' brule' any day. Just give me some good-ol' fashioned-American-homemade apple pie anyday (<---that was said with a southern draw)... (<---so was that)... (<---that wasn't). 

One of my favorite memories growing up was making apple pies with my mom. I remember I had this tiny tin pie plate. I think it was a part of our Fisherprice kitchen set we had down stairs. Anytime my mom would be making apple pie, I would be right next to her making one too. I had my own personal size apple pie. It was fun! I remember rolling the dough with her and placing in my personal size pie plate and then she would always leave me some extra filling so I would have some to put in my pie. Then I would cover it up with the top layer and poke the holes with a fork. 20 minutes or so later, out popped a pie that was my own. You bet your britches I ate that whole thing. (I ate A LOT when I was younger... I mean A LOT!) 

I want to make an apple pie now... too bad I don't have time this week whatsoever. I made one last year at Thanksgiving, which if I do say so, turned out pretty stinking good. And then I tried to make one when my friend Mike came over, but it didn't look so good. In fact, it looked kind of sickly. Maybe I'll do that with the girls I babysit for on Thursday. 

Anyways, Apple Pies = an extremely happy me! :O)

♥ 

Praying Through the Word

This morning walk to work was a sweet time to read over verses I had put in my 3x5 card index and listen to a great song by Andrew Peterson. He has this great song called, "Labor of Love" and "After the Last Tear Falls". They were great worship songs as I was reading over some verses.

Anyway, my church has always encouraged us to go through the membership directory and pray for other members of the church. A good way of doing this is to pray through scripture for them. So, for instance, if you are reading through Psalm 139 then pray that the Lord would "search them and know them" (vs. 1) Today I was able to do this and let me tell you, it changed my prayer life. It was great to pray for someone else that way, but even for yourself, you are memorizing the verse!

Yesterday, I sat next to an intern who has been coming to our Intern Bible Study. I'm kinda an observant person, so I was watching her out of the corner of my eye to see if she was enjoying the message. She seemed really figidity and was constantly looking at her watch and doodling. (don't get me wrong, I doodle sometimes and it actually helps me pay attention) After the service was over, I asked her what she thought of the message. I thought it was really great! (Wow, I think that's the fourth time I've used the word "great" so far. I'm in a great mood, I guess) I wanted to hear what she had thought of the message. She is a student at Liberty and was telling me that she was studying theology so she has kinda been hearing about God a lot lately and nothing that she was hearing was anything really new to her. I was kind of taken back by that. I'm a religion student too, but I don't want to ever get tired of hearing about the character of God. And I don't want my education and degree in religion to be a head knowledge of God. I want it to be a heart wisdom.

So this morning when I was going through my card index, I came to the verse Isaiah 40:26,28. These verses have always been a fav of mine, but I prayed them for that gir today. Here are the verses:
26. Lift up your eyes on high and see, who created theses? He who brings out their host by number, calling them all by name, and because he is strong in power, not one is missing.
28. Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God. The Creator of the ends of the earth; He does faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.

Maybe today, you could pray this for someone. Pray that they would life up their eyes on high to see the One who created and is sovereign over them calling them by name so not one is missing. Pray they would know that he is strong in power. Pray that they would know and hear (over and over) that the Lord is THE everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. Pray that they would be reminded that he is never tired of them and his understanding is unsearchable.

♥

The Sovereignty of God...Continued on Sunday!

I absolutely LOVE Sunday's! They are the best!!! This morning message was so great! I would like to encourage you to listen to it online. It's not on the website yet, but here's the LINK. Look for it. The title is, "The First Story: The Beginning". Mark stared a series in Genesis. 

During the message, I was just struck by the Sovereignty of God yet again. It was so kind of the Lord to let me see his sovereignty in Isaiah last night while I was reading, but then again on Sunday morning. I must need to be reminded of this lately...I'll wait to see what he teaches me this week concerning his Sovereignty. The verses that I put in my last blog was such a compliment to the message this morning. 

Mark went over Genesis 1:1-2:3 and the points he gave were: The Knowledge of God as He is fundamentally our Creator, He is self-existing, He is omnipotent, and Sovereign. Within these points, many things of the knowledge of God were talked about. In the point about him being fundamentally our Creator, Mark mentioned that the very word, "Created", suggests that he has made us for a purpose--or for someone. (sovereignty)

God is self-existing. Psalm 90 was talked about with how God was there before the foundations of the world. Mark said that God created us not out of his need, but out of his fullness. Also, that God made us to be aware of our insufficiency--our dependence. I was reminded of the verses in Isaiah that says, "who is like me? There is no other God besides me." Which are the verses I gave yesterday. (Sovereignty)

God is omnipotent. Mark reminded us of how powerful God is even in his created works. One thing that stuck out to me in this point was the question concerning our prayer life. "Realizing how big our God is, do we pray big enough?" I had to think back to Saturday morning as I was walking back from Eastern Market and I passed clearly a male, homosexual couple. I prayed for them as I passed, but also realized my own heart didn't believe that God was big enough to bring the Gospel to them and convict them to sin to turn to Christ. I confessed this to the Lord. I'm thankful for this point. It's a good reminder that God IS big enough to answer our specific prayers, even prayers that we didn't think would or could happen. (sovereignty)

His Sovereignty. Mark talked briefly about how God is the Judge. He gave the question, "will he rule over you as your friend or your Judge?"

There are more points, but I don't feel good right now. 

I would just like to encourage you to listen to it yourself. 

But let me leave you this a verse from a song we sang tonight called, "King of Love". 

Perverse and foolish, oft I strayed,

But yet in love He sought me. And on His shoulder

Gently laid, And home, rejoicing brought me.

♥ 

The Sovereignty of God in Isaiah

My church, Capitol Hill Baptist Church, is doing a series in Isaiah. I have decided to read Isaiah for my personal devo's. 

Tonight, before I started my homework, I was doing spending some time with the Lord in his Word through Isaiah and I was just struck by Israel's ungratefulness and God's sovereignty and love and determination (determination and willingness were the two points of the message last Sunday...SO good... LISTEN TO IT!). There were so many verses that I wanted to write down, but I have to get to my homework soon so I just decided to put them in this blog to hopefully encourage you. 

The verses that are below are just saturated with the Sovereignty of God. I won't put all of them in here, but in the chapters that I was reading, over and over the Lord is constantly reminding Israel that there is no other God besides him. 

Here, I hope they are a good reminder that He is the True God! He is everlasting. He is the Creator. He is salvation! YEAH! I'm pumped just writing this! Ok...let me write down the verses for ya.

Isaiah 45:2- 7, 12, 18-19

2. I will go before you and level the exalted places. I will break in pieces the doors of bronze and cut through the bars of iron.

3. I will give you the treasures of darkness and the hoards in secret places, that you may know that it is I, the Lord, the God of Israel, who call you by your name,

4. For the sake of my servant Jacob, and Israel my chose, I call you by your name, I name you, though you do not know me.

5. I am the Lord, and there is no other, besides me there is no God; I equip you, though you do not know me.

6. that people may know, from the rising of the sun and from the west, that there is none besides me; I am the Lord, and there is no other.

7. I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the Lord, who does all these things. 

12. I made the earth and created man on it; it was my hands that stretched out the heavens, and I commanded all their host.

18. For thus says the Lord who created the heavens (he is God!) who formed the earth and made it (he established it; he did not create it empty, he formed it to be inhabited!):

19. I did not speak in secret, in a land of darkness; I did not say to the offspring of Jacob, 'Seek me in vain.' I the Lord speak the truth; I declare what is right.

Isaiah46:4,8-13

4. even to your old age I am he, and to gray hairs I will carry you. I have made and I will bear; I will carry and will save.

8. Remember this and stand firm, recall it to mind, you transgressors, 

9. remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other, I am God, and there is non like me;

10. declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, 'My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose.'

11. calling a bird of prey from the east, the man of my counsel from a far country. I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass; I have purposed, and I will do it.

12. Listen to me you stubborn of heart, you who are far from righteousness; 

13. I bring near my righteousness it is not far off, and my salvation will not delay. 

♥

Holding Hands

This evening I went running on the mall for like the first time in well... a while. I have missed it. 

Anyway, I got down to the Natural History Museum and a couple walking out had caught my eye. It's at times like this that I wish I had a built in camera where when I blinked it would take the picture that I'm looking at and then photoshop it in my brain to look exactly how I am picturing it to look and then somehow I would connect the USB to my ear and then put the picture on my computer so I can download it on my blog...but alas, noone has made such a contraption yet...just give it time though. They will. 

Let me try to describe this ridiculously adorable couple. They were around 80 years old. He was probably taller in his days of the War, but because he has huntched down so much, he is now as tall as she is and they were both taller than me. He had white hair which was covered up with a fisherman's cap. Though I am not sure what was on the front of it. He wore khaki's and a button down shirt that was untucked. She, who was also wearing a fisherman's cap, had dark, black hair. It was curly and course. She was also wearing khakis and an untucked shirt. 

But what caught my eye about these two is that they were holding hands. :O) It kind of looked as if they were holding hands just to hold each other up while they were walking. But I had to smile because they were holding hands...and then my mind stared to think. And thus has conceived this blog. 

This couple was definitely in their 80's. I had to wonder how long they have been married. What their story was. How many kids did they have? What are they doing now? How did they meet? Was it an immediate attraction or did she play hard to get for a while. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it when I see older couples still holding hands and obviously in love with each other after 50 some odd years. To me, hand holding is so precious. It's more precious than sharing a kiss. There is just something so innocent with holding that person's hand. It says, Hey, I like you and want you near me. I want to make sure that you are by my side even when things are hard for you and for me. I want you to know that I will take care of you and lead you. It says protection and comfort. (Now, for those guys out there who actually might be reading this incredibly estrogen-filled blog, you might be thinking that what I described about hand holding says COMMITMENT. Don't let that scare you. Though, for my Christian bro's, I am confident that word won't scare you as I have seen your commitment to the Lord and to your job and to the ministry of the church. Why would a woman be any different?)

But for those who are dating...or married...or practically everyone out there. Isn't the first time you hold hands with your boyfriend or girlfriend exciting?!?! It puts you right on cloud nine. 

But what happens when you're married for 5, 10, 15 1/2, 60 years? Do you still want to hold hands with that person? Is it still exciting? Why do people who are dating always hold each other hands, but you don't see many married couples hold hands? My parents never hold hands  and it drives me nuts! I wish they would more often. I absolutely hope that when my hubby and I turn 80 something that we will still be the crazy kids we were when we were young...still holding hands. (Granted, that is pending on whether or not the Lord decides to bless me with a hubby) 

So, when I turn 80-something and if the Lord has placed marriage in my path, you better believe that I will be holding his hand. It might be to help him walk, but at least I'm doing my job as an Ebenezar (help-meet). But more importantly, because I am a romantic, I will be holding his hand, because he I will love him and he will be just so darned precious! 

♥