Nanny.

This lady to the right was the most AMAZING woman in the entire world. Her name... Nanny. Well, to me her name was Nanny. Her real name is Alma Lee Barnhart. In case you didn't get it, she's my grandmother.  She went home to be with the Lord just before Christmas this past year. It's been 8 months and I'm still having a hard time with it. I miss her so incredibly much. I pretty much have no grandparents any more. My poppi died in 2003, and my mom's mom lives in a nursing home and doesn't like us anyway. But Nanny ... she was so strong and full of life and spirit. She didn't care what anyone thought of her. Anywhere she went, she had the best time and loved people so much. She was a servant. She would always be cooking or baking something for someone. Any time I went to her house, she would have her Bible open on the kitchen table. She was full of wisdom and love for the Lord. Spunk is a great word to describe her. Man, I miss her. Lately, I have really needed to call home and get some emotional support from a woman. I call my dad, but I don't want to worry or make him stressed even more. And I can't talk to him about guy stuff. I have wanted to call her and tell her everything that I'm worried about and guy situations just to hear her say that the Lord will take care of it and to get some encouragement from her. I think the last time I heard her voice, I was in the car with Phil in November (ex boyfriend) and she talked to him on speaker phone, I couldn't help but smile and laugh. The last time she heard my voice was in the hospital as my dad held up the phone to her ear so I could say I love her. She couldn't talk in the hospital. I couldn't believe she died, and I still can't. She was such a strong, healthy woman. I wish everyone could have met her. They would fall in love in a second. I hope when I am older, that I can be half the woman she was, full of spirit, full of joy, full of wisdom, full of spunk, full of love for the Lord. 

In another post that is soon to be coming, I was talking about Doing Hard Things and trying to think about the hard things the Lord may be putting me through right now. My hard things consist of my school work. I have wanted to call nanny to talk to her about it, but I'm reminded that I can't. Another hard thing is a desire that I am constantly giving up to the Lord, and I have been wanting to call Nanny to talk about it, but I can't. Another hard thing is family situations with my mom, and I have been wanting to call nanny... 

These are hard things, but the ultimate hard thing the Lord is teaching me is dependence on Him and trusting in Him alone. I have such a human instinct to go to someone and cling on to them for dependence, but the Lord is teaching me that I need to depend on Him. I am constantly reminding myself and talking to the Lord about my dependence on him alone and asking him to give me more strength to do so. These are times when I am weak and I need to get into the Word. My shield is of faith. My sword is of truth. Yesterday, I was thinking about why we call Jesus Christ, Lord. Lord means that he is ruler over my life. It's such a comfort to call him Lord. To call him Lord means that I am putting my dependence on Him to be the ruler over my life and to provide for me. You see, if he is the ruler over my life, then he will provide for me. So when I am calling him Lord, it's a reminder to myself that I am learning to trust the ruler/provider over my life. Does that make sense? 

Nanny was a great blessing in my family's lives. She taught us many things and we shared many laughs. I loved being able to call her or go see her when I was home, but now I must depend on the Lord. He is the sovereign ruler over my life in which I am so thankful. 

God is good! The Lord is sweet and kind. I'm thankful for his provision and steadfast faithfulness. Though I am so weak at times and often confused and straying from my first love, he is ever so gracious and faithful to call me back to His loving arms. 

♥