When Is School Over Again?

Have I mentioned how much I can't wait for school to get over???? 

I keep thinking about all the things I am going to do with my time. 

I have a list. Here's what I have so far:

1. Guitar lessons

2. Photography Classes

3. Missions trips

4. More time for discipleship

5. More time for ministry

6. More time for serving

7. More time to spend with families

8. More time to spend with kids

9. Read books that I actually want to read

10. More time in God's Word

11. More time with my roommates

12. A full time job I can really devote myself too

....

AHHH!!!! When school is over, my life can start finally.

Can you tell I'm itching to be done??? 

March. March is my end goal. Though, I'm really nervous about my math class. Pray that I pass it. oh boy...gotta go study. 

♥ 

Lingering...

Yesterday's message was really good. I am really enjoying this series on Genesis we are having at my church. Mark spoked over Genesis 16:1-25:18. There was a lot to put in that message over 10 chapters, but he nailed down five points. I don't have my church notebook with me right now otherwise, I'd put them up here for ya. There was one part that really stuck out to me. It was in the chapter that talks about Sodom and Gomorrah and specifically how the Lord was merciful to Lot to take him out of that city. The verse that I underlined in my Bible was Genesis 19:16 "But he lingered. So the men seized him and his wife and his two daughters by the hand, the Lord being merciful to him, and they brought him out of and set him outside the city."
The context here is starts when two angels (who are the two men in this verse) come to visit Lot bringing him a message from the Lord that he is going to destroy the city because of all the sexual sin. There were even some men that were trying to break in Lot's house to do impure things with him and his family. Lot was even going to give his two daughters to the men. But the angels struck them all with blindness so they would not see the door to break in. The angels again told Lot to leave this place in the morning. The next morning the angels showed up again to remind Lot to flee, but here in verse 16 we see that Lot lingered! He hesitated. What was he doing when he was lingering? Did he not see the corruption in the city? But we also see the mercy of God by the angels physically grabbing Lot and taking him and his family out of the city. The Lord could have let Lot stay there in the city since we see his lack of trust in the Lord for lingering or maybe his desire to stay in the sin. Don't you see yourself in Lot though? I see myself here. I see when I hesitate to follow the Lord because I either don't trust him or I like the sin that I am doing. But we also see another example of the mercy and grace of the Lord to not let us die in our sin or to practice his sovereignty in our lives by fulfilling his purposes whether we move or not. He's still so faithful to prove to us his goodness and love even when we are lingering. Why do we linger? Why don't we trust the Lord when he says to do something? Why do we like to stay in our sin? It's comfortable? Perhaps. It's safe? Definitely. But God hasn't called us to safetly or comfort. He's called us to take up our cross daily and follow him. I am thinking about how I could apply this to my life. I was thinking on my walk to work this morning about how often I have taken my eyes off the cross and placed them on my circumstances that seem to be whirling around me. I tend to think that I can control them when I do that. But it usually ends that I can't and I have made even more of a mess of things. Why do I do this? I don't trust the Lord. I am lingering. I'm so thankful though that the Lord has placed me somewhere where I have godly people around me to remind me of his faithfulness in bringing me out of myself and putting me at the feet of the Cross where my first love is.

♥

Christianity vs. Homosexuality

My sister sent me this email this morning about a woman who was a homosexual, but by the sovereignty of God, he revealed his truth to her and she is now walking with the Lord. She is in a custody battle to gain her daughter. She will be on trial on Sunday in Vermont.
Here's the rest of the story:

Mom's Faith

I work at Liberty Christian Academy, and Lisa a lady I work with is in a 5 year legal battle against Christianity and homosexuality. She is the ultimate picture of grace, and shared her testimony today in chapel and staff devotions. She has been featured with Dr. Dobson, Bill O’Reilly, Newsweek and others. The link I am sending tells her story. Basically, she lived a homosexual lifestyle, God brought her out of it when she got saved, and since then she has been in a fight for her biological daughter. All is coming to a head next couple of days, Sunday is her deposition in Vermont. Monday is the trial. She is up against the ACLU, her former partner has the backup of the entire homosexual community/organizations. What she tells us is really the trial has boiled down to standing up for her Christian belief against the homosexual lifestyle. They are using her Christian belief against her to give full custody over to the ex-partner who has no biological ties. Lisa is being represented by Liberty University counsel. She is back by the chancellor/pastor of Liberty University/Thomas Road Baptist Church. She is in need of prayer, and believes that God can do a mighty work.Please pray for her as she goes into this weekend/week, and for her little girl, as she may lose her mom on Monday. Lisa is facing jail time and losing her little girl if the homosexual side wins out. Her up-to-date information is on a facebook group "only one mommy"Also, the link I am sending tells her story

75 + Years!

Yesterday morning, I was watching the Today show whilst eating my cereal before heading out the door. I had turned on the T.V. just in time to see the birthday wishes to those who have hit the 100th+ year mark. One of the pictures that came on, was a happy anniversary picture of a couple who had been married for 75 years! She was 100 and he was 105!! Wow! I was first blown away by their age, and then I was blown away that they have been together for that long. Can you imagine...75 years of marriage???? Gosh, right now, I can't even imagine one. But how wonderful of a gift that is from the Lord to be married for someone for 75 years! After spending that long with one person, going through really hard times and really good times, seeing kids grow up and grand-kids grow up and great grand-kids grow up, watching the world change, watching each other change...wow, what a gift that is! I wonder if they are christians? I wonder if they see the blessing the Lord has given them to each other. In today's society, being married for 3 years, let alone 75 years is unheard of. Society today is in a sad state about relationships and how they view marriage. It's all a game. It's all about the number of people you can sleep with in a month. I'm not just talking about non-christians either. Some Christians even view relationships as a game, not in the matter how many people they can sleep with, but maybe in the matter that they just want to flirt around for a little bit. They don't want to make a committment or they are just scared. Relationships are a gift from the Lord. It's in his grace that he is even giving us relationships. As I had said many times in previous posts, marriage is a picture of Christ and his love relationship with his bride, the church. He sanctifies her by the washing of the Word. He protects her. He provides for her. He allows her to go through trials, but always comes in as a rescuing hero. He is her lover and friend. It's so beautiful!

I have missed my grandma (whom I call Nanny) SO incredibly much lately. It hurts my heart to think that she is gone, but also makes it happy to know she is with her Savior. Sometimes, I will just want to pick up the phone to hear her voice and encouragement from her. Or to hear her laughter and cheerful heart, and then I realize that I can't any more, but someday, I will see her again. Gosh, I miss her. There was an older couple who came to Bible study last night. They seem like wonderful saints in the Lord. They were members of my church a long time ago and have come back to visit for a week or weekend. Our Pastor had the hubby (George) come up and share a little bit about they he and his wife had been doing. Honestly, I don't remember much of the details, because I just so charmed by his sparkling and effectious personality. He had so much vigor for the work of the Lord and for the goodness and grace he has seen from the Lord on our church throughout the years. He was absolutely precious! His wife seemed as sweet as ever. She didn't talk much, and I didn't have time to meet her afterwards (I wish I could have), but she seemed like the kind of woman who was a great encouragement to him. Behind every good man is a great woman encouraging him along and she seemed to be doing just that.

♥

This Life is Not My Own

This life is not my own. I have to remember this sometimes. I especially have to remember this when making decisions. I was told this this morning as I met with a guy who has a ministry in South Africa. I have been thinking about the possiblity of going there for a while, and he was in town this weekend so we decided to meet before he left today. I think it was a good thing for me to talk to him about South Africa again. It was good to be reminded of the depravity in South Africa and the fact that I could be used as a tool for the Kingdom of God. It would be amazing to go there! We talked about logistics and how long I would be there. It looks like I could possibly be there from June to the end of the year. Not that long, right? That's a good amount of time. BUT I have to raise about 25,000. Yickes! I don't know how that is going to happen especially with the economy the way it is. But, if the Lord wants me there, then he will provide.
Besides the financial situation, what's stopping me? Well, just like the title of this blog, I have to remember that my life is not my own. Which means, I have to put aside my desires. I've gotten quite comfortable here. I have good friends, a good family, a great church...I have a lot here. But there's this little voice in the back of my head that says, what about marriage? What about your desire for a family? What about that? If you go to South Africa that will be delayed even longer. Well, that's just a bunch of hooey. God is sovereign over all of that. And yes, I do have a desire for marriage and children, but that's MY desire. It may not be the Lord's for my life. My life is not my own. My desires are not my own. God may have something that is much bigger than my desires which is why I need to lay those down if they aren't going to happen and if the Lord is leading me elsewhere. Why wait around to be dissappointed any more? Go work for the Kingdom!!! This life is not my own. No matter how tired I get, no matter how dissappointed I am, no matter how much work there is, no matter how much service there is without getting back, this life is not my own. I can't hold onto it any more. I think I've been holding so tightly to my goals and desires that I haven't been willing or flexable to let go of them and let the Lord lead me to where I can be used for his glory rather than searching for my own glory.
I mean, what an amazing thing it would be to go and build those relationships with the South African women!! Just to have them over for dinner, take them grocery shopping, go watch a movie, talk to them about Jesus, watch them grow in the Lord, and also build some character for myself and dependence on the Lord. Sounds amazing, doesn't it?
When do I need to make this decision? Soon. I have to start fundraising if I'm going to leave in June.
We'll see what the Lord puts on my heart and what he tells me through his Word.

♥

Jeremiah 9:23-24

Tonight was a girl night through and through. I went to youth group and it ended at 9:30. I went home and noone was home so I decided to let it be a Jenny night. So I put on my sweats, took my make up off, pulled back my hair, cleansed my face with a mask, whitened my teeth, and polished my toe nails. Now I'm just chilling eating popcorn and watching a movie. It's kinda nice and I've been needing one of these for a while. I've kinda had a week off of school this week with the exception of one class, Math. It's been, I guess, my "fall break", but really, I haven't had a break since I started school. It's been really nice not having to really think about school and scheduling my time wisely so that I make sure to study for a while. I've felt like I've been getting back to the old Jenny and not being so stressed out and actually enjoying things. But I've also reminded myself that this won't last long and next week I start 3 classes! Yickes! In case I haven't mentioned this before, I really really REALLY can't wait for school to be D-O-N-E! These three weeks will be the most intense for me. I keep telling myself that it's only 8 weeks. Only 8 weeks and it'll be down hill from there. My classes are Math (which I'm trying to get out of because I took a Math course both at Pensacola Christian College and Rochester College), Church History, and Acts. 

But anyway, it's just been a really nice night to end my week of sanity. 

I wanted to give you this verse for the day. Jeremiah 9:23-24

Thus sayd, the Lord, "Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the might man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches. But let him who knows boasts, boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight," declares the Lord.

I thought of the DC life when I read this. Around here, people can be so caught up with their education and job status and riches and even relationship status. It's hard not be rely on those things. It's especially hard when you don't have any of those things and you want them. Personally, I struggle with the education part. Here I am 25 years old and STILL working on my bachelor's. There are kids that I babysat that are in their second year of school. All the while, my friends are either getting their Masters, done with it, or working on their Ph.D. Or they have really great jobs that they are really enjoying and succeeding in. It's so hard to not envy that. But I have to remind myself that even if I do have those, I can't boast in them. Those aren't the things that will gain me entrance into God's Kingdom. Those aren't the eternal things. I'm thankful that the Lord doesn't look at our education, job title, relationship status, 401k, or anything else to shed his grace upon me. 

♥ 

Cleaning out the Old

When are you most productive? I was asked this question once by a dear friend of mine who has been an incredible help in choices that I've had to make in the last few months. Right away I knew what the answer was. The evening. I am not a morning person at all. I definitely feel like I could conquer the world in the evening. I am so much more concentrated and on my game and feeling like I could clean the whole house, get laundry done, run 6 miles, write out a 8 page paper, and maybe have time for T.V. 

Well tonight I was a busy little bee. I was doing laundry and working out and eating some dinner and hanging with a friend and cleaning out the old... wait, what? What does that mean?

Let me explain. It's October. The middle of October. Today was 80-some degrees out!! Arg. Tomorrow is going to be 60!!! YAY!! I love fall. My favorite season is fall. Winter...not so much, but fall I really love. So in the midst of doing laundry and getting excited for the cold front that is finally coming  in (I know, I'm from Michigan, and I'm saying 60 degrees is a cold front...I haven't been home for a whole winter since 05. My blood has thinned out.) I decided that I would finally pull out my fall/winter clothes while listening to my favorite Christmas CD, Boyz II Men. (I know, I know. I totally broke the rules. But it's my FAVORITE! And it just puts me in a good mood. I asked my roommate Ryan if she thought it was alright and she totally agreed.) While I was pulling out all those clothes, I was also getting rid of thing that I haven't worn in years. Have you ever done that? I'm sure you have. If you haven't...well...you really should. I was watching TLC's What Not To Wear (I am so addicted to that show!) and it just put me in the mood to get rid of all my ugly clothes that I haven't worn in so long. So I was going through boxes of clothes and as I was doing that I was thinking two things: One. WHAT on EARTH was I thinking wearing these ugly clothes???? I mean, did I REALLY think they looked good?? My wardrobe pretty much said TOMBOY! Going through those clothes just brought me back to two years ago when I was living with the Coles, trying to get on my feet, working in an elementary school as an assistant/personal tutor for a little boy with severe physical disabilities, and coaching cheerleading at Trinity Christian School. My closet said, "broke immature college student/tomboy who doesn't have a clue what to do with her life". I remembered my closet back then. If you would have asked me to put on a good work outfit, I would've come out with jeans and a tshirt I had gotten from Good Will. Seriously. Gosh, but it felt SO good to get rid of those things that I do not wear any more, and kind of refreshing to look at my closet and be happy with where I am now...growing up. 

Ok, so you may be thinking. Jenny, this seems like a fashion advice column. Don't fret, my friend. It's not. Though, I do think I need to take Stacy and Clinton's job on What Not To Wear...or at least the hairstylist's dude. The OTHER thing I was thinking while putting this stuff in the trash is, how can I compare this to my walk with the Lord? Immediately, the passage in Colossians came to mind. 

Here it is: 

Colossian 3:5-10,12-14

5-Put to death therefore what is earthly in you. sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 

6- On account of these the wrath of God is coming.

7- In these you too once walked, when you were living in them.

8- But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.

9- Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices

10- and have put on the new self which is being renewed in the knowledge after the image of its creator

12- Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts of kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,

13- bearing with one another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

14- And above all these put on love, which binds every thing together in perfect harmony. 

I know this is such a typical illustration for this verse. But I especially think it applies to us girls/women since we all love clothes and shopping. 

I couldn't help but think of my wardrobe when I was typing that verse out. It's like when I looked at all that old, dingy stuff, I was disgusted with myself for wearing them and wondered why on earth I would want to wear them or why I thought they looked good...or maybe, why didn't anyone TELL me I looked horrible? 

Hmm...do you see the illustration yet? 

SIN! Yes, exactly! When you look...OOH!! this is good...I just got another thought. Ok, let me get comfortable so I can write it because it's good. 

SO, when you become a Christian at the beginning the Cross may not look as big or you may not be able to understand it real clear yet, but as you grow in sanctification  and start spending more time in the Word and you see the Grace of God more clearly, the Cross becomes bigger and bigger. You start to see why exactly Christ had to die for you. (there's a chart that goes alone with this, but I don't know how to do it on the computer, and don't have time...it's 12:45 am) So when you start to grow in your walk with the Lord, you take a look back into your old life and see the disgusting, dingy sin that you were walking in and wonder...why on earth did you want to do that? Why did I think that sin looked good on me? Why didn't someone tell me that sin looked bad on me? That sin looks so bad, that you don't even want anyone else to wear it, so you put it in a bag to be thrown in the trash...just as I am doing. It's hard not to go back to the old stuff you where once wearing though, right? They were comfortable. They were cute. They made me feel good. But, but, but...it's all wrong! The colors have faded, the wear has holes in it, it's wrinkled, it's out of style, it doesn't FIT YOU! 

Sin can be comfortable. It's comfortable because our pride tells us it is. We don't want to admit that we look bad. I like how the passage tells us to put all that away...put it in the trash! 

And then Paul tells us what to wear next. He brings out a whole new wardrobe that looks BRIGHT, VIBRANT, FRESH, BEAUTIFUL!!! I don't know about you, but all I see in the garments he gave us is nothing but the best...the character of Christ. And guess what...it's one size fits all! He first tells us that we are holy and beloved! ME? Holy and Beloved?!?! Come on. And to top it off, I'm chosen. Mmmm...that feels nice...like a lovely new Cashmere sweater from J. Crew (totally thought of you when I wrote that Meredith!) :O) 

I really like the last verse in this passage...he saves the best for last...above all these things, put on LOVE which binds everything in perfect harmony. It's like a good necklace, or ring, or earrings, or headband...some kind of accessory that binds the whole outfit together. 

Now that's a great outfit!

♥ 

...and Yet He's Still Sovereign!

Sunday's message was so incredible! I was so encouraged by it. You should really go listen to it.

It's called Abram: The Beginning of Salvation. 

I was having a hard time keeping my ADD under control on Sunday and was a little scared I wasn't going to be able to pay attention. My mind seemed to wander to so many different things that day...it's was kinda annoying. Right before the message started I prayed to ask the Lord to help me have concentration to keep my mind alert and my heart eager to hear His words. John Piper had suggested doing that at New Attitude conference I went to last year, and it has really helped me concentration on the Lord during the message. It's just a great idea to get rid of distractions that are entering your mind. 

So anyway,  Mark spoke over Genesis 11:27-15:21. The story is about Abram and God's call to him to go into another land and He will bless him. God also promised that Abram's wife, Sarai, would have a child and from this child the Messiah would come. The message was mostly about God's sovereignty and how even though we mess up, he is still sovereign over it all. 

For example: When Abram was going into the land of Egypt, Abram told Sarai to lie and say she was his sister instead of his wife. This showed a lack of trust in God's promises on Abram's part. Mark reminded us that yes, Abram sinned, but God was still sovereign over it. Just because Abram messed up doesn't mean that God won't keep his promises with him. Gosh, I don't know about you, but whenever I mess up (ps. which is ALL THE STINKING TIME!) I often can be tempted to think God won't want to pull through this time. I am tempted to think that God will leave me in my sin to teach me a lesson. But Praise Him, that's not how he works at all. He is still sovereign over our mess ups and his purpose in our life will still be fulfilled. If he wants to get us that job, then he will. If he wants us married, then he will lead us to the right person. If he wants us to have children, they he will make a way (He did it for Sarai). If he wants our friends and family saved, then he will soften their hearts to the Gospel. He was sovereign over our salvation, wasn't he?Mark reminded us that Abram sinned, yet God still blessed DESPITE his sin. 

Another thing that was so helpful for me to hear is that if we are growing in prosperity then we tend to think that it's a sign of God's approval. Boy, do I think this all the time. I constantly think that when I see others getting married or getting done with school without any loans or just absolutely gorgeous with a sparkling personality. I think that because of all those blessings, then God must be in approval of them and not me. He must be mad at me for something because he hasn't blessed me with what I want yet. WOW! SOooooo not true. This is not the God of the Bible at all. Again, Abram messed up; God was still sovereign. I will, have, am messing up; and my Heavenly, good, and faithful Lord is still sovereign over it. I'm so thankful. He's not going to take away his promise of salvation because I keep messing up. No, he's going to continue to cover me with blankets of Grace. And it's part of God's good grace that he is showing us our sinfulness. It's another reminder of the Cross of Christ and how much we are dependent on it for our salvation. 

At the end of the message, Mark had mentioned "All we have to do is look to tomorrow and our faith waivers." How true that is. I constantly look to the future and am often worried over it. I worry that I won't find a job I enjoy, or I worry that I won't graduate from school (6 more months!!!!) Or I worry that I won't be able to pay off my loans. Or I worry that my parents are worrying. YICKES! STOP WORRYING, Jenny! Be still and know that He is God. Know that he is sovereign. 

I'm so thankful that my Lord doesn't cut me off when I mess up over and over. I'm so thankful that he has shown me truth. I'm so thankful that he has so much patience with me and is willing to stay with me. I'm thankful that yet, he is still sovereign.

♥ 

Ashes for Beauty

There is a song that I have been playing over and over on my Itunes. I absolutely love it and it just keeps my mind centered on the cross as things in my life seem to get crazier and crazier with school work and a new job and trying to maintain friend relationship as well as ministry relationships and family. I've also passed this song along to a good friend who need a reminder that Christ can bear our burdens. His yoke is easy and his burden is light.

If you want to listen to the melody, you totally should. Go to the Itunes store and search for At the Foot of the Cross by either Kathryn Scott or Tammy Trent. 

Here are the lyrics: 

At the foot of the cross

Where grace and suffering meet

Through the judgement you received

And you've won my heart

Yes you've won my heart

Now I can

Trade these ashes in for beauty

And wear forgiveness like a crown

Coming to kiss the feet of mercy

I lay every burden down

At the foot of the cross

At the foot of the cross

Where I am made complete

You have given me life

Through the death you bore for me

And you've won my heart

Yes you've won my heart

Now I can 

Trade these ashes in for beauty

And wear forgiveness like a crown

Coming to kiss the feet of mercy

I lay every burden down

At the foot of the cross

♥

The Box

Tonight was a good night...well definitely not in terms of my paper that is due on friday, but a good night nontheless. 

I went running around 5 and didn't get back till 7:30! Woo!! Don't be too impressed though. I ran 6 miles (from my house to the Lincoln memorial and back) and then I went to the gym to work other muscles. I'm trying to get back to running 10 miles with out and problems. It's gonna take me a while. I realize that my shoes were completely wrong for my foot. The dude at the running store kept giving me a half size bigger and it made my feet feel just lost in my shoe and really awkward when I ran. 

Anyway, that felt really good to go for a long run tonight and then to the gym to do some other stuff. It was nice pretending that homework didn't exist in my life for one night. Have I mentioned that I CAN'T WAIT FOR SCHOOL TO BE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ah!!!! Only 6 more months, Lord willing!!! 

After I got home from my run, I had some dinner and then watched some TV for a bit (Meredith got TiVo so it's kinda addicting now). I decided this morning that today would be the day that I was going to get rid of "the box". This box I have been carrying around for... ... ... 4 years!!! Holy Cow!! This box contained two years of my life and was packed with memories. I'm kind of a sentimental girl, so I keep things that mean a lot to me. Well, this box contained a two-year relationship I had in college. I was excited to get rid of it because it has been haunting me for the last 4 years, but was never willing to give it up. As I was going through it, I started reading over notes and looking at pictures and all the little things he did for me. It was an emotional time. Not because I was tearful, but because I experience a wide variety of emotions. I guess I was just frustrated and sad. This boy was so thoughtful. He was consistent in writing me notes during my day to let me know he was praying for me or he thought I was the most beautiful girl. He daily encouraged me in the Word. He was careful to let me know how much I meant to him. Why did I keep all that stuff for that long? Maybe because I don't think anyone will ever treat me like he did or better than he did so it was just a good reminder of what it was like. But I'm not trusting God with that. I'm not relying on the Lord and the fact that He has treated me so far beyond all I deserve. He has given me a new life in Christ! 

I didn't think that getting rid of that box would be as hard as it was. I was saying goodbye to A LOT of memories. Everything that I kept would bring back some kind of memory. It was so strange. But very heart breaking getting rid of all of it. 

Thankfully, it's all gone! Now, I press on into the future. 

♥ 

The King of Love My Shepherd Is

The King of love, my shepherd is,

whose goodness faileth never;

I nothing lack if I am His 

And he is mine forever.

Where streams of living water flow,

My ransomed soul He leadeth,

And where the verdant pastures grow, 

With food celestial feedeth.

Perverse and foolish oft I strated,

But yet in love he sought me,

And on His shoulder gently laid,

And home, rejoicing brought me.

In death's dark vale, I fear no ill

With Thee, dear Lord, beside me; 

Thy rod and staff my comfort still

Thy cross before to guide me.

Thou spreadst a table in my sight;

Thine unction grace bestoweth;

And O what transport of delight

From Thy pure chalice floweth.

And so through all the length of days

Thy goodness faileth never;

Good shepherd, may I sing Thy praise

Within Thy house forever.

-Henry Williams Baker

This is my favorite song we sing at church. 

♥