This Life is Not My Own

This life is not my own. I have to remember this sometimes. I especially have to remember this when making decisions. I was told this this morning as I met with a guy who has a ministry in South Africa. I have been thinking about the possiblity of going there for a while, and he was in town this weekend so we decided to meet before he left today. I think it was a good thing for me to talk to him about South Africa again. It was good to be reminded of the depravity in South Africa and the fact that I could be used as a tool for the Kingdom of God. It would be amazing to go there! We talked about logistics and how long I would be there. It looks like I could possibly be there from June to the end of the year. Not that long, right? That's a good amount of time. BUT I have to raise about 25,000. Yickes! I don't know how that is going to happen especially with the economy the way it is. But, if the Lord wants me there, then he will provide.
Besides the financial situation, what's stopping me? Well, just like the title of this blog, I have to remember that my life is not my own. Which means, I have to put aside my desires. I've gotten quite comfortable here. I have good friends, a good family, a great church...I have a lot here. But there's this little voice in the back of my head that says, what about marriage? What about your desire for a family? What about that? If you go to South Africa that will be delayed even longer. Well, that's just a bunch of hooey. God is sovereign over all of that. And yes, I do have a desire for marriage and children, but that's MY desire. It may not be the Lord's for my life. My life is not my own. My desires are not my own. God may have something that is much bigger than my desires which is why I need to lay those down if they aren't going to happen and if the Lord is leading me elsewhere. Why wait around to be dissappointed any more? Go work for the Kingdom!!! This life is not my own. No matter how tired I get, no matter how dissappointed I am, no matter how much work there is, no matter how much service there is without getting back, this life is not my own. I can't hold onto it any more. I think I've been holding so tightly to my goals and desires that I haven't been willing or flexable to let go of them and let the Lord lead me to where I can be used for his glory rather than searching for my own glory.
I mean, what an amazing thing it would be to go and build those relationships with the South African women!! Just to have them over for dinner, take them grocery shopping, go watch a movie, talk to them about Jesus, watch them grow in the Lord, and also build some character for myself and dependence on the Lord. Sounds amazing, doesn't it?
When do I need to make this decision? Soon. I have to start fundraising if I'm going to leave in June.
We'll see what the Lord puts on my heart and what he tells me through his Word.

♥